the big veiny boob gets a friend

We decided to install the other fixture. It did indeed grow on me (not literally, Franklin & others will be relieved to know).

It's still not really my thing, but it's such a huge improvement over the old fixtures...nothing wrong with them in themselves, but they don't match our kitchen at all. Plus, the veiny boobs are already bought & they're here—if I just put them up we can be done with this whole long-drawn-out ordeal.

Before installing the second one, I took a photo so you could see the awful "before" and marginally better "after." As well as the hideous chili peppers.

So anyway, I thought, well, now that I have the hang of it, this one'll be a breeze. I know just what to do. Ten minutes, tops.

Wrong.

The box on the second one (light fixtures, like some of my favorite people, have boxes) was totally different. It was about a hundred years older, for one thing, with extra wires and extra nuts (light fixtures also have nuts).

And, the existing fixture had not been installed right in the center of the box, but rather, a weird metal piece held it in place several inches farther out from the wall, which was necessary because otherwise it didn't fit—and neither does the new one.

Great.

So I had to figure out how to rig it to make the new one fit (since of course it's totally different from the old one). I used the weird metal piece in a different way, made an extra hole in the drywall with a corkscrew, dug up a drywall screw holder thingy—it was just crazy.

But a couple hours later, I had it figured out. It all fit together. The screws went in the holes. It was finished.

I rushed back down to the basement and flipped the switch on the fusebox to turn the power back on. And rushed back up to the kitchen to enjoy my handiwork. I couldn't wait to see them—my very own pair of big veiny boobs, casting their warm inviting glow...

But...

Crap.

I guess there was a reason that old light stopped working.

And who would have thought there was a way to make the chili peppers look even stupider??

I should call this post, "the big veiny boob gets a friend and together they torment me mercilessly, mwahahahaha!"

It's definitely time for bed.