hair

i've never understood my hair.

why is it that i do the same thing to my hair (i.e., nothing) every day, yet some days it looks like i just came from the beauty parlor, while other days it looks like i've been in a wind tunnel or just cut my own hair in the mirror?

just curious.

hairs were cut

Last night while waiting for Loopy, who was attending one of the many dissertation research meetings that bring her (and sometimes us) to Chicago every week, I got my hair cut. In the car before, we had this exchange:

Me: I don't know why you won't ever tell me if you think I would look better with bangs.

Loopy: Oh, for chrissakes! [this is the fifty millionth time I've asked that question] I think you look better without but it's YOUR HEAD! Why do you care what I think?

Me: Okay, I won't get bangs.

Loopy: Oh, now, see? This is why I don't give my opinion! You just do whatever I say.

Me: Honey, you're my wife, you're the one who has to look at me the most, and besides, I'm not good at seeing what I really look like.

Loopy: So LEARN to see what you look like! Aaargh!!!

...pause...

Me: Maybe I will get bangs.

In the end, I got a bob with bangs (see photo at right), not because of this conversation or anyone's opinion, but sort of at random, and at least partly because I was as tired as Loopy of hearing myself ask "but do you think I would look good with bangs?"

Conclusion: I look okay with bangs.

Also, without bangs.

Turns out it doesn't make that big a difference.

Oh well.

Some of my favorite memories...

...are referenced on Franklin's blog. But as is always the case with these things, I remember them differently. But for some reason I thought it would be less irritating of me to comment here, rather than on Franklin's blog. Not sure if this is true; do let me know (no, not really).

1) The Gaugin quote--I remember the second phrase as "Ou sommes nous," or "where are we," and hence, I remember Sylvia's dry remark as, "We came from breakfast. We are at the museum. We are going to lunch."

This is one of my all-time favorite memories, partly because at least in my memory the trip was a birthday celebration for the three of us who, if I'm not mistaken, almost share a birthday. I remember that as a very happy day amidst a sea of troubles.

2) The Jewish grandmother quote--I remember as, "sometimes you just wanna go to shul to get away from all the goyim." When Franklin & I first heard it, I believe we were hanging around on the lawn down by the river with a bunch of random queer kids, talking about why we still went to our school's queer club (known as BGLSA--uh huh, yeah, that really rolls of the tongue, doesn't it?) meetings even though they could be dull and/or irritating.

This memory is colored by a wash of carefree happiness that suggests (along with the green grass) that it took place some year either before or after the actual school term.

But whose grandmother was that? Dr. Faustus's? That doesn't seem right, but for some reason all the other queer Harvard boys I can think of (I'm sure it was a boy) are either Catholic or Chinese. Not that that would disqualify them from having a Jewish grandmother, but....

3) Pooh sticks. I have spent many happy hours playing the innocent game of Pooh sticks with various individuals, Amy most prominently among them, but featuring many others from my chequered past in its less chequered moments. And I refuse to have these delightful daydreams shattered by Franklin's insinuations. Really. Hmph.

4) And last but not least, a note about Japan. I've been displacing my stress about every other aspect of this trip onto stress about looking nice (or at least halfway decent), particularly when I first meet up with the assembly, which features in a prominent role someone whose respect I have in the past sought and (I at least believe) never attained, specifically the (Japanese) daughter of the founder of the high school I attended here in Japan. I feel that she always thinks of me as just a big mess who can't take care of herself (this dates back to my time here as a 16-year-old, when she had to call my parents to tell them to get me some new shoes because she had to hide my hole-y shoes when guests visited).

So today I carefully allowed an extra half hour to tidy myself up prior to the meeting. But everyone else was early too, so I showed up with messy hair, sweaty everything, and lunch stains on my shirt.

Ah well. More lessons in letting go of ego and accepting my lack of control over the universe.

Okay, that wasn't last. Last is, Loopy described the current situation well in her post; I am kinda freaked out by this. It wasn't until I visited dear Anushka in SF that it was pointed out to me that by helping these folks out I am supporting their endeavor. I'm not sure how prepared I am to do that. It's not exactly the opposite of socialism, but it's not really compatible, in terms of a worldview...what it is like, in terms of worldview, is the religious cult/group my parents belonged to for years....I just got done deprogramming myself from all this... I feel a bit like an AA twelve-stepper who accidentally signed up to support and accompany a vodka-swilling tour of Russia, or something. No, worse, a vodka-selling tour of rural Montana. Drink vodka, it will solve all your problems. Really.

The parallels start with (but certainly don't end with) the whole "let's all make friends and then there won't be any more war" thing.

Cuz y'know, that worked so well in Iraq (how many times in how many venues did I hear or see Kitty Kelly talking about her humanitarian work with the Wonderful People of Iraq? And did that stop the war? Not that I noticed; you?) (You probably never saw Kitty Kelly and maybe never even heard of her. My point exactly. Ever hear of Ben Granby? Jeremy Scahill? All of them, and hundreds more like them, traveled around the US pleading on behalf of their dear Iraqi friends. The only way to stop war is not "citizen diplomacy" but an end to imperialism, which of course is impossible without an end to capitalism. But don't get me started!)

I mean, international friendships are great, don't get me wrong, and the more kids from Kansas who are forced to travel the world and make international friendships, the better, but.......I'm too tired to explain what I mean right now, although I feel like it's still pretty murky. I'll catch up with y'all later.

in defense of my haircut

it looked a lot better when she blew it dry at the salon.

when i wrote that original post i wasn't thinking about anybody seeing it (since i always assume nobody's reading, which clearly is a dangerous assumption), so i wasn't anticipating the moment when people would say to themselves, "THAT? that's the best haircut she ever had in her LIFE? where's she been getting it cut up to now, the dog groomers?"

of course, i have no proof that anybody said any such thing to themselves.

but that's what i'd say if I were you and you were me, with this haircut.

HAH!

I finished some stuff!!!! Yay me!!!!

I bet some of you were doubting me. Go ahead, deny it--I know that secretly you thought I was going to remain immobile in front of my computer, obsessively blogging and emailing, until I fainted from hunger and exhaustion. Well, I thought that at times. But NO! I have emerged victorious! (Now on to the next on the seemingly infinite list of stuff to do)

See what a haircut can do???

even more like a grown-up

Of one thing and one thing only, I am absolutely sure: I got the best haircut of my life on Friday.

It looks fantastic. Not "pretty," not "fashionable," but somewhat "cute;" however, more importantly for the job search, it makes me look like a tidy, competent, organized and professional.

It's the same haircut my seventh-grade English teacher (Ms. Work, beleive it or not) had. It helps me feel confident--I look in the mirror and think to myself--"I'm going to be a competent, organized professional, just like Ms Work."

Haircuts are weird like that, aren't they--what else can help revolutionize your self-image so quickly? Love, maybe--but for me, a good haircut has been harder to find.

march weather

doncha just hate those days when it's sorta warm and very windy....

....so you either bundle up and get all sweaty and stinky (hello hat-head!)...

... or you un-bundle and the stinging wind makes your eyes stream and your ears ache?

of course, if you work it out just right, as I did today, you can accomplish the best of both worlds: I'm here in the library with icky hair, sweaty underarms, red eyes and achy ears. Next time I'll pick one option and stick with it.

But y'know, what I really hate is the first warm days (like last friday or whenever it was 60), when the accumulated snow & ice melt, and all the winter's frozen dog poop melts along with it, and the edges of the yard are like a giant poop swamp, and the dogs just stiiiiiiiiink.

you're never coming to the house again, are you?

why oh why won't Ang & Katy turn on comments?

I have so much to say, I'm just bursting with responses to GetYourselfSome[NotAtAll]Boring. Hmmmm... well, just maybe they won't turn on comments because they don't want blabberers like me blabbering all over their blog.... quite reasonable really, when you think about it. Or maybe they are just so secure in their fablogitude* that they don't need to know whether anyone is reading or reacting...admirable really, in that case.

OK, in brief.**

1. I love Katy. Katy is hilarious and she does some of the same things I do (like playing stupid computer games until we physically injure ourselves....) that I used to think were evidence of my complete insanity, but since Katy does them too, I know it must be OK because Katy is clearly not insane, in fact she is wonderful and very Together. Anyway I love Katy, and why didn't I know this before? (No slight to Ang, but I already knew I loved Ang, who is also hilarious, wonderful and Together, no, don't try to deny it, you are).
   
   
2. Mnemonic devices. I love the Steve Holz one. In high school had one for the countries across the top of Latin America, which I don't really remember, but had something to do with French (French Guiana) kissing Simon (Suriname) LeBon of Duran Duran (horrors!). I even think that the "V" in Venezuela might have been my own name (the horror deepens!)
   
   
3. Illyria. Please tell me what this reference is to. Is it to Twelfth Night? Because (ok, get out your in-flight barf bags) my mother's maiden (how un-PC) name was "Ely," and someone in her family named a town in Ohio after himself, "Elyria," and it was supposed to be a pun on "Illyria," but I don't get it. (Obviously I am a disgrace to pompous rich people everywhere, at least I hope I am). Oh, and don't mention APT in Spr Green to Sir Edwin if you don't want to hear a tirade about the time we went to see something there and it rained. A lot.
   
   
4. Famous supposedly-but-not-to-Ang attractive people...
   
   • Re Kirsten Dunst - i think she's pretty but Loopy says she always looks...damp. I think this is really funny and, yes, well, I guess true. Loopy points out that Tobey Maguire also always looks damp, and the two of them together in Spiderman are very very damp, practically mossy.
     
   • To this list I would also like to add (in fact I think he should be the King of this list)--Jack Nicholson. Ugh, ick, ack, puke, arg.
   
   
5. Saved... We saw it too... (see my post thereon if you wish, here). Anyway, the main thing is, Loopy, isn't your sister also AG? Just checking. I don't know if she ever read your diary, but I can easily imagine her doing so--no offense Sister P, if you are reading this. You know I love you.
   
   
6. Ang is coming! No, shut up, I mean, to ASA!*** I'm so happy I could do cartwheels! I think this will be so much fun! I was so disappointed when everyone (to my knowledge) who was initially planning to go, all dropped out one by one. Of course I would love being in SF with my Loopy with or without additional company, but this will be extra fun. We had a good time there the last 2 times we went--gosh, this will be our third time together--doesn't that make you feel Old and Married? (hey, remember when we stayed in that place that was advertsised as a charming, antique-decorated B&B, and it turned out to be a musty refurbished Y with tacky flea-market furniture and a Glade plug-in feebly trying to cover the weird smells? And the whole Brazilian national soccer team was staying there, because the World Cup was in SF, but we hadn't known that...? No wait, the Brazilian team was on the GOlden Gate Bridge when we went, but it was the fans, zillions of them, who were staying in the post-Y hotel...)**** ANYWAY!!!! We're gonna have a blast! Yippee!
   
   
7. And then there are these posts, to which I just want to say, LOL and you girls rock.
   
   • Sociologists: 0; Most Reasonable People: 1
     
   • Studying for your PCP I know Loopy can relate to this.
     
   • Undergrads in the rain God I hate them sometimes!!! One of the worst things about MSN. ANd is it my imagination, or are there more of them this summer than previous years? This is supposed to be our respite.... when we can find parking, and drive around without them stepping off the curb in front of us with their headphones on.
     
   
   
   
8. Vegeschnitzel. This reminded me of a conversation I had in NYC shortly after I shaved my head. I left one chin-length strand of hair over my right temple that I usually braided (although for my wedding it was curled in a corkscrew...weird). Anyway someone stopped me on the street and asked (imagine a derisive sneer), "What do you call THAT haircut?"
   I responded, "A crew cut."
   "Oh yeah? What's ... this stuff?" (Motioning on his own head to the vicinity of the single braid).
   "That's just to show I'm not a Hare Krishna."
   "A what?"
   "A Hare Krishna."
   (Looking shocked) "A...?? well...do you still believe in God?"
   "No--er--I'm NOT a Hare Krishna."
   As Katy said... ??????
   
   
9. And the hits keep coming... End of innocence... A "stupid pop song" it may be but I love this song, and I desperately want the version you describe, since half of those people are some of my favorite artists. (Yes, I'm a huge cheeseball, so sue me.) This also provokes a funny memory...(which I know you just can't wait to hear...)***** Anyway, one warm spring morning when I was in college, my dear roommate Amy and I were looking out the window at the courtyard in our dorm, and a guy we knew slightly flopped down and stretched out on the lawn. (He was kind of a jerk, one of those guys who thinks that insistent, oppressive, loudmouthed cynicism is a sign of brilliance and perspicacity). Anyway my roommate says, "Andrew's laying his head back on the ground..." to which I of course responded, "And letting his hair fall all around." We laughed hysterically (hey, I said we were in college, ok, give me a break)(partly it was funny because he didn't have more than 2.5 inches of hair, three at the most, and partly because he was such a snarky brat and it contrasted so with the song...). And ever since then I think of Amy and spring (and Andrew, but in a funny way) when I hear the song.
   
   
10. A Durian by any other name... I like your name a lot too, and agree that it's "pretty and not too ordinary." On your list, I have always liked the name "Marisol" for exactly the same reason. "Luz" and "Idalis" are also cool names. But I have to ask, did your parents think you were going to be born Puerto Rican? Ok, Ok, shoot me now. As for my name... Hmmmm, thanks for the suggestion (and for reading my blog at all, I was happy!), but to me "Gin" sounds like a drink, and the Japanese pronunciation has a hard "G," and also in the context of the language it sounds kind of hard and cold--it's not a nice word like "silver" in English. It's part of the words for "bank" and other monetary-related words. But this does remind me that in Japan my friends used to call me "Jinia," which I really liked (my real name comes out in Japanese as "BAH-jinia," and "Bah" is a syllable used in words relating unfavorably to old women). And this reminds me that my above-mentioned college roommate, the indefatigable Amerina, used to call me "Ginia," which I really really liked and had totally forgotten. I miss everybody. I'm lonely. I should go to bed.
    

Hmmm... Did I mention I had a lot to say to Katy and Ang?

Am I lonely in Arizona? Oh yes, oh yes I am. I want to go home.

---

* This is supposed to be a contraction of "fabulous" + "blog" (and maybe "attitude"). It's a new word; I made it myself. I'm hoping it will catch on and everyone will say it, and then I'll feel all warm & happy.
** Ha! Ha! Ha!
*** Sorry about the stupid, adolescent joke.
**** Doesn't this sound like some stupid dream? Maybe even a made-up dream? But no, it really, actually happened.
***** And when I was three, I fell down and got an owie. (Hey, read the tag line above, it says "feel free to skim!")