hmmmmmmmmm.......: pills

hmmmmmmmmm.......: pills

Saturday, May 29, 2010

pills

after crying ridiculously to a friend, i worked out and my pills kicked in and now i feel good. great even. the pill thing is weird. very weird. that my whole life - the goodness, the sweetness, the sunshine and pleasure in my life - all comes out of these little bottles. maybe i should stockpile them in case of apocalypse. but seriously: isn't it weird? i feel like i am truly myself with all these pills, that the "real me" is upbeat, positive, energetic, and capable. so if this is the "real me," who was that all those years of hopelessness and bungling failures?

it's so strange to think of the brain and how it works...

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*The quote in the top bar is from Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, whom I tend to view with some suspcion as a person (great teacher or charismatic cult leader? I'm not sure!), but whose teachings I often find useful nonetheless... here is a further elaboration:

The sense of trust is that, when you apply your inquisitiveness, when you look into a situation, you know that you will get a definite response.

If you take steps to accomplish something, that action will have a result--either failure or success. When you shoot your arrow, either it will hit the target or it will miss. Trust is knowing that there will be a message.

When you trust in those messages, the reflections of the phenomenal world, the world begins to seem like a bank, or reservoir, of richness. You feel that you are living in a rich world, one that never runs out of messages....

You trust, not in success, but in reality.... [W]hatever the result that comes from your action, that result is not an end in itself. You can always go beyond the result; it is the seed for a further journey.

And,

Often, when someone tells us we should be fearless, we think they're saying not to worry, that everything is going to be all right. But unconditional fearlessness is simply based on being awake....

[F]earlessness is unconditional because you are neither on the side of success or failure. Success and failure are your journey.