wow, there are some great blogs out there

I've been tooling around in my friends' blogs this evening. When did everyone get so brilliant/witty/profound/interesting/eloquent? Oh, I know--since it's been summer and we're all procrastinating! Of all of them, Katy's gorgeous elegaic prose takes the cake, so I'll link to hers: Too Much Light To Deny. Wow. Stunning. I also enjoyed Embly's, Chrissy's, and of course Loopy's musings. I was going to put in all the links but it's too much work (see below regarding inertia).

I took the day off today—in my annoying way where I get up and make a list of stuff to do, then about 2:30 pm I become aware that some part of my brain (the part that's actually in charge) has decided that I am not doing those things today, but instead, I'm doing something else. I am working on trying to become aware of the decision-making process by which this obscure part of my brain makes its own plans. In my head, for any day or hour, there's often the "official plan" and the "unofficial plan." The former is selflessly productive, efficient, appropriate, wise, etc. The latter—which tends to take over unless I exert strenuous effort to resist it&151;is self-serving, avoids discomfort like death, and generally tends toward immobility. Often I only become aware of the unofficial plan when I observe it unfolding (if such an active verb can be used for activities that resemble immobility). For example, right now I think the official plan is that I'm going to grab my reading for tomorrow, and run downstairs and get on the treadmill for a half hour or so. And/or I'm going to run off to bed and get up early and walk on the treadmill while doing my reading for class. The unofficial plan probably involves putzing around in blogland for another hour until my back is killing me and Loopy yells at me. Why, why, why would I want to do this? I will feel so much better if I get on the treadmill and just even SKIM my reading! Not to mention I will be so much happier if I crawl into bed while Loopy is still awake and has not yet donned the new, intimidating version of the Face Underwear (pictured at right)(no, that's not Loopy in the picture). (It's a machine to prevent sleep apnea. It works wonders for her health and well-being, but it's not exactly alluring, although it is at times hilarious!)

All this discussion of Face Underwear has helped me focus on a good motivation for going to bed, so I'm off in that direction. However, in closing, I will just add one more thought on the problem of the "official" vs the "unofficial" plan: I recently realized that any decision that involves taking my own needs or wishes into consideration causes me intense anxiety, which makes it hard for me to rank and prioritize the different considerations, and results in actions that are either insanely self-sacrificing or horrendously self-absorbed. If I could think clearly about my own needs and wishes, maybe I would be able to find some kind of happy medium between the official and unofficial plan. But I get stuck between conflicting urges of "to hell with everyone else, just crawl off and hide somewhere and everything bad will disappear" and all my upbringing that urges saintly perfection, and I just can't even think at all.

I'm reading a really, really useful & interesting book right now--Empowering Underachievers. I picked it up to help me with my students, which it definitely does, but it also applies to me a lot. I seem to be some kind of late-blooming underachiever.

Ah, a plaintive call from Loopy... "Will you kill the mosquitos in my rooooooom?" Of course I will. Five minutes later, as I play with my post, she calls again.... "They're eating me!" and then "You've gotta help me!" Poor loopy!!!! OK, here I go