last day of school

I'm off to Shabazz to celebrate the last day of school by taking "my girls" out to lunch. I have no idea how a teacher is supposed to bid farewell to students. I have only the vaguest memories of my own experiences on the other end. I love these kids and wish I could stay in touch somehow, like a Big Sister or aunt, but of course that's not what's done, or is it? I have no idea! I feel weird about it all. I just have invested so much time and thought and energy in them, it's hard to just have them vanish--is that wrong? Am I somehow using them to make myself feel like a good person? er, that is, like a GOOD PERSON? Plus some of them seem so needy, like they really want something from me, but I don't know what it is. I want to reassure them that I care about them, but I guess I probably can't provide whatever it is they want, so I shouldn't try. Babbling about how great they are and my high hopes for their future won't provide that reassurance or whatever they need---or will it? I feel like I should and/or shouldn't do something MEANINGFUL to send them off into the next phase of their life, but I don' tknow what that thing (the meaningful thing) would be, that would not be weird or embarrassing. I guess I will conclude that I should jsut keep it all low key. *sigh* I shouldn't have planned this day, I'm late, as usual when I have ambivalent feelings about something. Yesterday I babbled (as above) at two students and tried to organize two more into a summer math tutoring thing. Am I crazy? They're little sponges, they just need so much, and I can't fix it.

This is that "boundaries" thing, isn't it. I need to get me some of those!