I edited this post since last night, because I decided that "good news" and "bad news" are too dichotomous for the situation here which is many things mixed up together.
Yummy: there is a fantastic new Peruvian restaurant about 1/2 mile from my parents' place. I had a gigantic plate of ceviche for dinner--yum!!! We're going back for lunch tomorrow. When Loopy comes with me next time we'll enjoy it too.
Sad: Dad couldn't figure out how to pay the bill. He left a 40% tip, added wrong so he came up with $599 instead of $59, and this evening he called me by the name of one of Mom's employees (granted he was talking to me through a door, but still).
Bittersweet: At least he was laughing at himself when he figured out he had $599. It's like he's let go and accepted that he's kinda losing it, which in itself is an unexpected little miracle (in the non-theistic sense). So we can talk about it and laugh and feel sad together, which is how I remember the passing of the other people in my life who've died. You get to a point where it's okay to talk about it and be sad and love each other while you have time.
Infuriating (let go, let go...): Mom's attempt to join in this invovles saying things like, "well, if your father remembers THAT I'll eat my hat," in front of him. She's been experimenting with the tone of this comment; she has tried irritated, jovial, and conspiritorial. Keep trying, mom, I'm sure you'll hit on something that doesn't grate on the nerves quite so much.
It would also help if she didn't get anxiously controlling when she thinks he's doing things wrong. "Jack, why don't you let [birdfarm] add up the bill--Jack, come on now, you know you can't do this anymore"—in tones normally reserved for trying to stop someone from risking his life ("Jack, come down from there—stop it! You know jumping won't solve anything!")
I just want her to be different. She just isn't gonna be. OK. Right. Moving on with my day.
5 comments:
There is this major undercurrent in my life these days, having to do with accepting people for what they are and what they are not. Once you face the facts about someone you can make some meaningful choices about how to deal with them, or not deal with them.
Its one of those life lessons that I went a few rounds with back in college, and now I'm learning it again, hopefully in new ways, in my mid-30's. Funny how one of the major players then and now is my dad.
That last bit about your mom made me think of it. I just want 'X' to be different. They just aren't gonna be. OK. Right. Moving on with my day.
she's never gonna change, she's never gonna change, she's never gonna change
except when she does
and that will also be sad
but, you're right, just move on with your day :)
the reason i've been telling you this for years is because i've been telling MYSELF this for even more years!
love you, miss you, come home soon!
My dear, I was going to write something terribly thought-provoking and such but I've decided you've said it all and have a marvelously clear view of the situation, especially considering how emotional it must be.
So I'll just say I'm sure it must be very hard, and I hope the difficulties will be interrupted at frequent intervals by stuff of *any* description that makes you smile, even for a moment.
Big hugs, darling.
*hugs*
staple gun - does anyone have the hats of the apostles poster?
I think the "hats of the apostles" was, unfortunately, a white-board creation that was erased sometime in the mists of pre-history (yea, even in the era of Hollis, remember Hollis? our freshman dorm? Ame, are you out there?)
I know half the fun for Sylvia and me was trying to remember all the apostles--James the Less Filling, James the Tastes Great. I am trying desperately to remember the extra apostle that "our nemesis" added.
But speaking of posters, remember that poster that hung inside the door of the bathroom stall, that we wrote on all year long? We had to scratch out what we wrote about Amy's then-future-now-ex-sister-in-law when she came to visit...
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