hamster wheel, a.k.a. samsara

so, second interview today.

talked to OLIF (therapist) three, maybe four times yesterday. he kept telling me to stop compulsively revising & printing out more lesson plans, and instead, to meditate, exercise, go to bed on time, get up on time, and be relaxed, rested, and fully present for the interview.

i didn't listen.

i printed out a stack of lesson plans about two inches thick, complete with cover sheets and various introductory notes. i stayed up til 2 am doing this (after promising OLIF at 11 that I would be in bed within 10 mintues). i was almost late to the interview. i was stressed and wired and tired. i wasn't "fully present."

i don't think i blew it—three-quarters of me is still not half bad, and i think it would take a lot to undermine the positive impression of the first interview. plus, i caught a glimpse of another interviewee and she looked about twelve years old.

but still. it could have been so much better. i'm having trouble letting go of all the feelings this conjures up, even though i know rationally it's not a big deal.

there's a lot more to obsess about, but, lucky for you, i'm too exhausted by all the obsessing to write it all down here.

on the plus side, i asked my potential new boss if she would mind if I went to Iran, and she was like, heck no, please go—we'll all benefit from it. and, on the same day, my visa came through. so now i'm really going. i'm kind of scared now that it's really gonna happen. don't tell Loopy though.

Loopy's back was really really bad today. on the plus side, a friend has said she'll consider staying with Loopy while I'm in Iran if the back situation doesn't improve. which is a load off my mind, or will be if she decides to do it (no pressure, o friend! ;-) ).