you'll know me by the revolutionary fervor in my eyes

I have never met the guy who will pick me up at the airport tomorrow in Atlanta, so he describes himself for me in these charming words:

My car is a small "cappucino" colored Nissan and I'm a guy with white bear and glasses.

I tried to share this entertaining typo with my Mom (since I felt I should explain why I was laughing out loud), but she very seriously tried to convince me that it was quite likely that he was, indeed, bringing a white bear--the way people in earlier times might wear a red carnation to identify themselves. Uh, yeah.

Also, the name of the guy (also unknown to me) where I will be staying is James Jones. Say, why don't any of your friends call you "Jim"?

Don't worry, friends, fans and associates, I will be careful not to drink any kool-aid. It will be much, much harder, nay, well-nigh impossible, over the course of the six days I'll be staying there,* to avoid making any jokes about drinking kool-aid. But I must be strong.

These are the types of sacrifices that are required of us brave revolutionaries.

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*I'm just a tad nervous about staying so long with a stranger, who might turn out to be boring, loud, creepy, dirty, or have a white bear, but I can always use my back as an excuse if I need to escape to a hotel.

Love (if you don't like mush, skip this one)

I have such a cute message from Loopy on my phone this morning. She sounds all sleepy and she wants to know how I'm doing & how Dad's doing (she didn't read the marathon blog session yet). (Loopy's message was a sharp contrast to my Mom's message which consisted entirely of a series of guilt trips, back to back, like the continuous hits on 105.1 the buzz).

Loopy's message made me happy and reminded me of all the things that I have learned about what people do when they love you. I learned about this first from Sennuy, then from Amy, and then from Loopy. I could include a lot of other beloved & loving & very important people in my life, but these three were the main people who knew something about—and moreover saw that I didn't know & took it upon themselves to teach me—how to be loved and loving. Not necessarily in a flamboyant, dramatic way, but in the little, everyday ways that wrap you up in a cocoon of comfort and make you brave and hopeful.

A short list of things I didn't know on this topic:

1. People who love you worry and wonder about you when you're not around. They hope you're okay and want to find out.
   
   • They want you to call if you'll be late, so they know you didn't get hit by a bus.
     
   • They want you to call when you get where you're going, so they know you didn't die in a fiery plane crash.
     
   • When you've been low or sick, they want to know if you're doing better.
   
   
2. People who love you listen to you because they want to know what you think or feel.
   
   • They are not just waiting for their turn to speak.
     
   • They are not just looking for how your words reflect on them.
   
   
3. People who love you look beyond the surface.
   
   • They make comments like, "You look sad/tired. Are you ok?"
     
   • They hear feelings under words, they don't take everything literally or think that every emotional comment represents a considered opinion.
     
   • Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself.
   
   
4. People who love you want you to know it, and they want you to love them back.
   
   • Wanting you to love them back is because they love you, not because it will justify their existence or prove that they are lovable.
     
   • Sometimes they are hurt or jealous if you don't take good care of them. Take good care of them!
   
   
5. People who love you really, genuinely want you to be happy.
   
   • When they do little fun things for you, they do it for you & for fun, not because they want to think to themselves, "I am the kind of person who does little fun things for my loved ones."
     
   • If you need something they are instantly there for you—and they are matter-of-fact about it—they don't exude an air of guilt-inducing noble self-sacrifice.
     
   • Corollary: If they can't help, they let you know why not, and they find other ways to let you know they care. They don't make you feel worse for needing help.
   
   
6. The most important way to sum all of this up is that people who love you really see you.
   
   • They know a lot about you and they want to know more about you.
     
   • Their favorite things about you aren't all things you do for them.
     
   • Their idea of you isn't a flat 2-D list of characteristics that never change. They also see where you've come from and where you're trying to go. They see you growing and becoming and they support you.
     

Probably nobody does this all perfectly all the time, but some people are a lot more equipped for it than others. You have to know who you are, to have something inside yourself besides need.

My parents love me in the best way they can, and I appreciate and like and love them. But they are themselves damaged, and they were much worse twenty years ago (they have steadily gotten better since getting out of that cult—see Loopy's thesis). Being here is a brief return to—not even that, just an echo of—the ravenous loneliness of being a chid here. I have long since come to terms with all this and accepted that my parents can simultaneously be kind/ lovable/good-hearted people, and inadequate parents.

As I consider the list above, I feel overwhelmed with wonder and gratitude. It seems impossibly good and more than I deserve, and yet, it's also simple and straightforward. The people whom I love and who have loved me in this way are incredibly precious. You know who you are and I am grateful for you.

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Additions to and/or comments on this list are welcome. I am still learning about this. I hope I live up to it because I am blessed with some amazing people in my life and they deserve all this and more from me.

this is to make the von trapps go away. frodo frodo frodo frodo frodo frodo frodo frodo frodo frodo frodo frodo frodo gandalf gandalf gandalf gimli legolas treebeard lotr istanbul istanbul istanbul istanbul istanbul istanbul istanbul istanbul istanbul istanbul istanbul istanbul istanbul

one sad and one funny

SAD
ok, you will see that i have been on a marathon blogging session. i realize I should go to bed, so please take this in context, as the over-tired (and likely PMS-y) ramblings of an out-of-context person.

Generally I have been having a really fun time here, playing scrabble with my dad and talking to all the interesting old people in the dining room.

but tonight we sat with some old guy who must have said about fifteen times (I am not exaggerating) something about "Islamic madrassas" (which he persistently pronounced "Madras") "indoctrinating" people to blow themselves up ("we can't even begin to understand how they think"). For good measure, he threw in Sammuel Hufffington's "clashof civilizatons" PLUS a theory about how white people are smarter because Europe has a change of seasons (!!!)(although I registered my disagreement on each of these points, it was useless to argue, because he couldn't hear well--especially when I disagreed)(this guy a retired professor from Columbia and Berkeley, mind you).

And, Mom is coming home tomorrow and she's getting all crazy (demanding & manipulatively demanding) about the party. I forgot to do something she wanted me to do today, and it's too late now. The inner conflict between "oh no, she's going to be mad" and "f--- that, it's minor, if she's mad she's silly" is depressingly familiar.

Predictable upshot--I am getting tired and lonely. It has been a long time since I had that feeling of being completely alone, invisible almost. People have their own lives and their own concerns and they don't really see you. I think I am more mature than i once was, in that this could be fun for four whole days, but now i miss my Loopy and I want someone to see me. I am afraid Loopy doesn't need me. I'm so glad she's feeling better but I can't help feeling that at best I'm irrelevant to the equation. I need Loopy. Everyone needs someone to see them.*

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FUNNY
On the plane on the way here, I was seated on the aisle. In the three seats opposite were three children, approximate ages 7, 9, and 12 (or so). They kept whispering to each other and turning around in their seats to look at me. Not just glance, but stare at me for minutes at a time as if intrigued. Finally I said, "Why do you keep looking at me?" They giggled and turned away briefly, but they kept it up. A half hour later I said, "Why do you keep looking at me? Do I have a big booger hanging out of my nose or something?" The littlest girl shook her head seriously, said "no," and smiled...and continued to stare at me. I still have no idea why, but the ease with which I asked about the big booger reassured me that maybe I do have what it takes to be a teacher after all.

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*I repeat the caveat that these are the ramblings of a sleepy brain, they are just feelings, not rational thoughts. They do not reveal some Deep Big Problem. The only problem is that I am too silly to go to bed on time.

whew! in light of the post below...

...it is amusing to note that according to the test, I am also (like Ang) an ENFP, "The Champion," and that the description for that type includes the following:

"And then they are eager to relate the stories they've uncovered, hoping to disclose the "truth" of people and issues, and to advocate causes. This strong drive to unveil current events can make them tireless in conversing with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out."

Which I think describes me better than Ang; I don't know anyone who is as obnoxiously urgent in conversation as I am. :-( It's the thing I hate the most about myself. You'd think I could change it.

why oh why won't Ang & Katy turn on comments?

I have so much to say, I'm just bursting with responses to GetYourselfSome[NotAtAll]Boring. Hmmmm... well, just maybe they won't turn on comments because they don't want blabberers like me blabbering all over their blog.... quite reasonable really, when you think about it. Or maybe they are just so secure in their fablogitude* that they don't need to know whether anyone is reading or reacting...admirable really, in that case.

OK, in brief.**

1. I love Katy. Katy is hilarious and she does some of the same things I do (like playing stupid computer games until we physically injure ourselves....) that I used to think were evidence of my complete insanity, but since Katy does them too, I know it must be OK because Katy is clearly not insane, in fact she is wonderful and very Together. Anyway I love Katy, and why didn't I know this before? (No slight to Ang, but I already knew I loved Ang, who is also hilarious, wonderful and Together, no, don't try to deny it, you are).
   
   
2. Mnemonic devices. I love the Steve Holz one. In high school had one for the countries across the top of Latin America, which I don't really remember, but had something to do with French (French Guiana) kissing Simon (Suriname) LeBon of Duran Duran (horrors!). I even think that the "V" in Venezuela might have been my own name (the horror deepens!)
   
   
3. Illyria. Please tell me what this reference is to. Is it to Twelfth Night? Because (ok, get out your in-flight barf bags) my mother's maiden (how un-PC) name was "Ely," and someone in her family named a town in Ohio after himself, "Elyria," and it was supposed to be a pun on "Illyria," but I don't get it. (Obviously I am a disgrace to pompous rich people everywhere, at least I hope I am). Oh, and don't mention APT in Spr Green to Sir Edwin if you don't want to hear a tirade about the time we went to see something there and it rained. A lot.
   
   
4. Famous supposedly-but-not-to-Ang attractive people...
   
   • Re Kirsten Dunst - i think she's pretty but Loopy says she always looks...damp. I think this is really funny and, yes, well, I guess true. Loopy points out that Tobey Maguire also always looks damp, and the two of them together in Spiderman are very very damp, practically mossy.
     
   • To this list I would also like to add (in fact I think he should be the King of this list)--Jack Nicholson. Ugh, ick, ack, puke, arg.
   
   
5. Saved... We saw it too... (see my post thereon if you wish, here). Anyway, the main thing is, Loopy, isn't your sister also AG? Just checking. I don't know if she ever read your diary, but I can easily imagine her doing so--no offense Sister P, if you are reading this. You know I love you.
   
   
6. Ang is coming! No, shut up, I mean, to ASA!*** I'm so happy I could do cartwheels! I think this will be so much fun! I was so disappointed when everyone (to my knowledge) who was initially planning to go, all dropped out one by one. Of course I would love being in SF with my Loopy with or without additional company, but this will be extra fun. We had a good time there the last 2 times we went--gosh, this will be our third time together--doesn't that make you feel Old and Married? (hey, remember when we stayed in that place that was advertsised as a charming, antique-decorated B&B, and it turned out to be a musty refurbished Y with tacky flea-market furniture and a Glade plug-in feebly trying to cover the weird smells? And the whole Brazilian national soccer team was staying there, because the World Cup was in SF, but we hadn't known that...? No wait, the Brazilian team was on the GOlden Gate Bridge when we went, but it was the fans, zillions of them, who were staying in the post-Y hotel...)**** ANYWAY!!!! We're gonna have a blast! Yippee!
   
   
7. And then there are these posts, to which I just want to say, LOL and you girls rock.
   
   • Sociologists: 0; Most Reasonable People: 1
     
   • Studying for your PCP I know Loopy can relate to this.
     
   • Undergrads in the rain God I hate them sometimes!!! One of the worst things about MSN. ANd is it my imagination, or are there more of them this summer than previous years? This is supposed to be our respite.... when we can find parking, and drive around without them stepping off the curb in front of us with their headphones on.
     
   
   
   
8. Vegeschnitzel. This reminded me of a conversation I had in NYC shortly after I shaved my head. I left one chin-length strand of hair over my right temple that I usually braided (although for my wedding it was curled in a corkscrew...weird). Anyway someone stopped me on the street and asked (imagine a derisive sneer), "What do you call THAT haircut?"
   I responded, "A crew cut."
   "Oh yeah? What's ... this stuff?" (Motioning on his own head to the vicinity of the single braid).
   "That's just to show I'm not a Hare Krishna."
   "A what?"
   "A Hare Krishna."
   (Looking shocked) "A...?? well...do you still believe in God?"
   "No--er--I'm NOT a Hare Krishna."
   As Katy said... ??????
   
   
9. And the hits keep coming... End of innocence... A "stupid pop song" it may be but I love this song, and I desperately want the version you describe, since half of those people are some of my favorite artists. (Yes, I'm a huge cheeseball, so sue me.) This also provokes a funny memory...(which I know you just can't wait to hear...)***** Anyway, one warm spring morning when I was in college, my dear roommate Amy and I were looking out the window at the courtyard in our dorm, and a guy we knew slightly flopped down and stretched out on the lawn. (He was kind of a jerk, one of those guys who thinks that insistent, oppressive, loudmouthed cynicism is a sign of brilliance and perspicacity). Anyway my roommate says, "Andrew's laying his head back on the ground..." to which I of course responded, "And letting his hair fall all around." We laughed hysterically (hey, I said we were in college, ok, give me a break)(partly it was funny because he didn't have more than 2.5 inches of hair, three at the most, and partly because he was such a snarky brat and it contrasted so with the song...). And ever since then I think of Amy and spring (and Andrew, but in a funny way) when I hear the song.
   
   
10. A Durian by any other name... I like your name a lot too, and agree that it's "pretty and not too ordinary." On your list, I have always liked the name "Marisol" for exactly the same reason. "Luz" and "Idalis" are also cool names. But I have to ask, did your parents think you were going to be born Puerto Rican? Ok, Ok, shoot me now. As for my name... Hmmmm, thanks for the suggestion (and for reading my blog at all, I was happy!), but to me "Gin" sounds like a drink, and the Japanese pronunciation has a hard "G," and also in the context of the language it sounds kind of hard and cold--it's not a nice word like "silver" in English. It's part of the words for "bank" and other monetary-related words. But this does remind me that in Japan my friends used to call me "Jinia," which I really liked (my real name comes out in Japanese as "BAH-jinia," and "Bah" is a syllable used in words relating unfavorably to old women). And this reminds me that my above-mentioned college roommate, the indefatigable Amerina, used to call me "Ginia," which I really really liked and had totally forgotten. I miss everybody. I'm lonely. I should go to bed.
    

Hmmm... Did I mention I had a lot to say to Katy and Ang?

Am I lonely in Arizona? Oh yes, oh yes I am. I want to go home.

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* This is supposed to be a contraction of "fabulous" + "blog" (and maybe "attitude"). It's a new word; I made it myself. I'm hoping it will catch on and everyone will say it, and then I'll feel all warm & happy.
** Ha! Ha! Ha!
*** Sorry about the stupid, adolescent joke.
**** Doesn't this sound like some stupid dream? Maybe even a made-up dream? But no, it really, actually happened.
***** And when I was three, I fell down and got an owie. (Hey, read the tag line above, it says "feel free to skim!")

Blogger helps me with all my problems

Ha ha... this is funny.

Blogger help topic: What to do if your Mom discovers your blog..."

I am a bit leery here, for obvious reasons, but it was pure coincidence that I came upon this. (What I was trying to find out is how to make my layout show up in browsers that don't support CSS. Anybody know? I think there is a tag like or something, but I can't quite remember...)

in a galaxy far, far away

Well, here I am in Arizona. Here is my week in a nut's hell:

1. Tuesday: Dad couldn't find me in the airport, walked around for almost an hour as I waited by the baggage claim (luggage did not appear for 45 minutes), then almost collapsed as he returned to the car.
   
2. Wednesday: I took Dad to the doctor, who said he had had a TIA (a sort of almost-stroke) and set him up to have his head examined (also his neck and heart).
   
3. Thursday: Mom left to attend a funeral in Montana. I would also like to attend this funeral, but I have to look after Dad, which is fine because my back probably couldn't take that much plane travel anyway.
   
4. Friday: I will take Dad to have his head examined. Also his neck.
   
5. Saturday: I will take Dad to some Republican meeting. Dad's friend wants him to attend because apparently these meetings have been overrun with immigrant-hating, gay-bashing maniacs, and she thinks Dad will provide a useful counterpoint (uh... right). I am desperately hoping I don't have to actually attend the meeting!!!!
   
6. Saturday, later: Mom returns from Montana and immediately five thousand people come over for a big party in my honor. Maybe nobody will notice if I don't go...
   
7. Sunday: I get to have breakfast with some dear friends from high school, yippee!! (Too bad Sunday--i.e., during church--was the ONLY TIME they could meet me! Aw, shucks!)
   
8. Monday: I go to Atlanta. (I haven't thought past that.)
   

Some other items of note:

• HOT: I forgot how hot it is here. At 10:30 this morning it was already over 100 degrees. Everyone here is used to it, so even indoors it's hotter than it is outdoors in Wisconsin (76 degrees in here right now, apparently). I am not used to it anymore.
  
• ELECTRONICS: Mom told me to take Dad to the store on the way home from the airport, and get him to get her a digital camera, photo printer, and misc accessories. Woo-hoo! Then we went to McDonald's.
  
• OLD: Some of the "old people" around here are really interesting. No, really. Of course some of them are also self-absorbed and boring. Gosh, just like regular folks!
  
• PHONE: Loopy just called me, so I will go now. She better have a good excuse for not calling me last night (she is telling me she couldn't find the phone... should I believe her? What do you think?)
  

miscellaneous photos

OK, I finally figured out how to upload my own photos (instead of just stealing photos from other sites). (here's info for Mac users on how to post photos to your Blogger blog).

They've turned out sort of grainy, but I hope you can still see them.

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Here is a close-up of the phoebe babies, the day before they flew the coop:

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Here's a picture of an all-out blackberry assault on the lawn, as discussed previously:

Gracie's in the background, but as usual she's no help whatsoever in the face of this blatant threat.

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Here are some photos of slugs destroying my beloved peach-leaved bellflowers, also
as discussed previously:

slug on white bellflower...ugh
slug on purple bellflower - you can see the damaged petals on top, in comparison to the lower flowers he hasn't attacked yet	closeup in case it's hard to see

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And last but not least, the brand new TiVo-esque satellite receiver, after the doggies had had their way with it:

Viggo Mortensen's ding-blasted tooth

Since Ang & Katy don't allow comments, I'll respond to their blog here.*

In a July 14 post, Ang commented that "after hearing (six times) that only through a thorough investigation of the DVD extras did V learn that Viggo Mortensen chipped a tooth in the making of one of the three LOTR films," she figured it was ok to "let [her] guard down" and (implication is) admit to knowing similarly geeky things (for more details and the Dorotha reference, see the post itself!)

I'm glad that I was able to inspire Ang by informing her of Viggo Mortensen's dental work (up to now I was only aware of having annoyed her—which is fine, because annoying people was the purpose of mentioning it six times).

But I must point out that a "thorough investigation" was not needed... since every single person who appears in the extras on the Twin (er, Two) Towers seems to feel compelled to make a big friggin' deal about VM's friggin' chipped tooth (did you know he had it fixed in the middle of the night? by Peter Jackson's own dentist? while still wearing his costume including his sword? Aaak, stop, I can't take any more!!!).

Since I have, in fact, completed a "thorough investigation" of the DVD extras, I feel compelled to say that VM—and unfortunately, everyone else involved in the LOTR—are all just a bit too filled with admiration for VM. Yes, he made a great (possibly perfect) Aragorn, but he seems to have a similar personality in real life—and in real life, that laid-back earnestness tinged with understated machismo gets incredibly annoying (just look at the picture! Jesus H. Christ!)

Below is a photo of three non-Viggo actors from LOTR apparently behaving like regular people. Can you imagine how completely unbearable they would be if they went around behaving like Legolas, Gandalf and Theoden in real life? The mind boggles.

Orlando Bloom, Ian McKellan, and Bernard Hill are not Viggo Mortensen, and thank god for that

To be honest, if I never hear VM's voice again (outside of his role as A in LOTR, which of course I will view repeatedly for the rest of the decade), that will be just fine with me. Now, Bernard whatsit (Ok, Hill, I had to look it up), who plays Theoden—I don't think people paid him nearly enough homage.** Which is perhaps as it should be.... too much homage makes the skin crawl .

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*All for the best, as my response got to be incredibly long...it seems that all my long-pent-up feelings about Viggo Mortensen have just come pouring out.... did I mention I'm supposed to be writing a paper?
**in fact, when you do a google image search for Bernard Hill, half the damn pictures are of... guess who. What, does he think he's the star or something?

sueños animales

several items on this topic:

1. there are now more fireflies, lots more, like I remember from last year, all over the place. it's glorious. Loopy & I watched them from the hot tub tonight. (yes, this is the life!)
   
2. the baby phoebes flew away the day after I took the picture. be well little birdies!
   
3. last night I saw the strangest thing. I was bringing the dogs in to go to bed and I saw a shape on one of the bird feeders. Weird, I thought--either a dead bird, or a bat, or a leaf. I went to check it out with the flashlight. It was a flying squirrel!!
   (plus two more skittering around the tree). As I approached it jumped from the bird feeder to the tree (a surprising distance--I guess that's why they call it...yeah) and skittered off. As you can see from the picture, it is an eerie little creature--the big eyes give it a very creepy look. It was unnerving but also very cool. I want it to come back! but no sign of them tonight.
   
4. last night I dreamed I had this beautiful chestnut horse, and I had to go into some swanky dean's office at Harvard and take some kind of IQ test, but I didn't want to leave the horse by himself. This horse acted like a dog--it was very distressed that I was inside, and it ran around outside in an agitated state trying to find me, and I kept seeing it through the windows, freaking out and trying to get in, or wandering off. I kept having to interrupt the test (which I was totally failing anyway--it was impossible--something about tartar sauce and lemon juice or something) to go and calm the horse down or try to make it comfortable. It was very funny! But also weird. Is Loopy infecting me with her MFpre-prelim panic? (For those who don't read Loopy's blog, she has to take a major exam on Aug 2 and she's, shall we say, just a tad nervous about it).
   
5. our new satellite receiver finally arrived, which is like TiVo and lets us record stuff!!!, but the dogs ripped the package apart and strewed it around the yard. I hope to post a picture because I imagine it will be quite amusing if it's not YOUR receiver lying there in the dirt.
   
6. I finally found out what has been eating my beloved peach-leaved bellflower... Many of the flowers are chewed right down to the stem as soon as they bloom. I had suspected some kind of insect infestation, but no, it's.......... SLUGS!!!!! eeew!!! I was out early today and caught the little monsters in the act. I hope to post a photo of a slug in a flower (I took several, photos that is). I don't like to kill them, for some reason, but I did kill one and went back to bed feeling like a destroyer of small life forms.
   
7. lately a bat has been roosting in the carport where I can look up at it. They are so cute, crammed up in little spaces. I love them! Most people apparently are afraid of bats but not moths. Not me. A bat can fly right past my head without causing me the slightest alarm, but a really big moth, man, that'll send me screaming. Because, you know, bats are smart and would never fly into you, but those damn moths fly all up in your face and flutter everywhere.... aak! When I was a summer camp counselor, a moth the size of a dinner plate got into the house, and I locked myself in the bathroom until it was over. Some counselor, eh!
   
   
   

   nice bat	scary moth

   
   

And that's all I have to say about dreaming of animals, or animals' dreams...... anyway, animals at night.

i don't like my name

a friend put a link to my blog on her blog using my name, which is totally not a problem. but, it just set me to thinking about how I don't like my name, and about some nicknames I've had--mostly only in the context of soccer.

• "Battleship"- My 4th-grade soccer coach called me this because I mowed people down (many of you will readily believe that this was through obliviousness as much as aggression).
  
• "Dakota" - My 5th- and 6th-grade soccer coach called me this because my name is also a state. Sometimes he would call me other states too (Carolina, Kentucky...).
  
• "V"--on my high school soccer team. Also sometimes "V-baby" or "V-8." "V" is not bad as a nickname, but it has never caught on otherwise. (Although, as a joke, some of my classmates in the teacher ed program call me "V-Dogg.")
  

When I was little my name was Ginna. My parents fully expected that I would always be Ginna (like the grandmother I was named after), but it annoyed me that nobody could spell or pronounce my name (always spelled or read as "Gina"). So in 2nd grade I decided I would use my whole name, and refused to answer to anything else (it has been pointed out to me that such behavior would not have been tolerated in many other families).*

Some of my friends have called me Ginny, but I really really hate that name (rhymes with "ninny"). Just a few particular people have permission to call me that because the way they say it (or the history of it) makes it ok. One person called me "Ginna" in college, but I don't think she's called me that recently. I liked how she said it too.

WHen I went off on my afore-mentioned Asian odyssey I tried to go back to "Ginna," but when people called me that I felt 6 years old, which isn't a good thing when you're all by yourself on the other side of the world.

A couple years ago I toyed with the idea of changing my name to Jenna. Sort of a combo of "Ginna" and "Jen," a name I like and that always seemed sort of strong and capable. My real name seems sort of socially inept/oblivious, bookish in a bad way, geeky and goofy and nearsighted. Wait a minute, that describes my most negative image of myself on a bad day--maybe it's me I dislike, rather than my name...

Someone in Nepal commented that "Ginna" sounded to him like "djinn," an angel or spirit in some part of the world (apparently there are numerous dogs and helicopters named "Djinn," according to the Google image search)(also via the Google image search, I realized that "djinn" is the source of the word "genie"--duh). Anyway, I kinda like that...

A djinn:

(complete with various isms)

OK, sorry this post was a bit long and perhaps dull..... but I found that trying to always post fabulous stuff means I don't post much at all.

Next week i have to go to Tucson and visit my family, and I"ve just found out that XE won't be there. :-( :-( More on that another time, I guess.

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* (That's not as bad as the times when I was younger...or maybe not...and used to "become" someone else. First it was Mrs. VonTrapp and then Princess Leia. In both cases I would not respond unless addressed as "Mrs. Von Trapp" or "Maria," and later, "Your Highness." I would "go away" (literally leave through the front door) and be "replaced" by one of these alter egos (ringing the doorbell with a story about how I arrived, e.g., my spaceship crashed and I'm running away from storm troopers). I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that my family indulged these little whim(sie)s......)

things about loopy that are just so darn cute

This will be a short post, but I expect to add to it. It is not short because of a shortage of material, but because I really need to go to bed. OK.

• Loopy loves lunch and whenever she talks about it she just gets so cute. "It's time for lunch!" You can't even imagine how cute.
  
• When she asks for something indulgent (i.e. she's already in bed and doesn't want to get up and wants a glass of water... with ice) she really turns on the cute. It's irresistible. She knows this. It's hardly fair.
  
• Last night we had this conversation: "Snorgleflunguss." "Hrmphensnrmphen?" "Gleebleglobguz." "Arglepupgle?" "Urglemorgleflinglepungle." Yes, we were meant for each other.
  
• Sometimes Loopy makes up adorable little songs. One of the best ever was called "the Bunny Opera." It involved me singing "bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny" over and over (the harmony) while Loopy sang the melody (improvised and fabulous warbling about Bunnies). This was such a fabulous song that there were no more songs for many months thereafter. Another classic was called, "If I were an ice cream."
  
• Once Loopy had an inflatable pink pool floaty ring, which she took to the beach. It was the cutest thing ever in the history of the universe.
  
• Loopy likes to watch the bread dough flopping around in the bread machine. It is cute, flopping around, and she is cute watching it.
  
• Loopy is so cute when she has made something yummy--it makes her happy to watch you eat it. She made cinammon rolls yesterday, YUM! I eat them because they're delicious, but I secretly admit that I also eat them because she looks so cute and happy when I do!
  
• Loopy's blog has a "weather pixie" on it--very cute! And here is a particularly cute post.
  
• There will be more items added to this list. Stay tooned.
  

Although now I feel a bit overloaded on cute and wonder if I should post instead about "Loopy's top ten moments of sheer genius" or maybe about her being sexy or irritable... we shall see!!!!

Berry berry

A conversational counterpoint to the hilarious snippet that Loopy posted last week...*

Loopy: "All the raspberries at the edge of the yard are getting really ripe."
Me: "Those are blackberries, so no, they're not."

This reminds me of a conversation last year (?) with Dorotha:

Me: "We have to cut back the blackberries, they're creeping in from the woods and taking over the yard."
Dorotha: "But that would be a good thing."
Me: "Well, it would all just be nothing but blackberry."
Dorotha: "Yes. The whole world should be nothing but blackberry. All blackberry, all the time."

So Dorotha, do you really love blackberries that much or were you just being amusing?

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*By the way, the ban on linking to my blog is now officially lifted. I feel I have gotten the hang of it and am worthy to be linked to. Do not disillusion me.

procrastinatory pocky meditations

i'm supposed to be preparing my final presentation for class tomorrow. Naturally I'm blogging instead.

Loopy came home from her ultra-cool blogging girls dinner and brought me a treat--a whole bag of pocky!! unfortunately it is thai pocky and tastes really awful.

Pocky always reminds me of two strange things.

Pocky Thing One: I bought Pocky in Japan to eat on the plane to Bangkok as I headed off for my post-college Asia odyssey (whence I know that Indian Cadbury tastes awful too--I was told they put something in it to keep it from melting. I'm guessing recycled plastic. Perhaps Thai pocky has the same problem?). I know I already felt disoriented and a little freaked out, and the Pocky was a nice familiar touchstone. For some reason, I looped the plastic bag with pocky in it through my belt loop--so I had my gigantic euro-trekker backpack, my little waist pack, my passport etc stowed in my money belt under my pants, and then this plastic bag of pocky hanging off my waist like some kind of mountain-climbing equipment.

So while I was sitting on the plane waiting for takeoff, the person across the aisle from me called the flight attendant's attention to this odd-looking thing sticking out from under my chair--a small metal box thing attached to some wires. A crowd of airline personnel soon gathered to examine the thing.

I later noted in my journal that I had busily tried to look like someone who is not a terrorist sitting on a b0mb, but I wasn't sure what that non-look would be. Bizarrely, Bobby McFerrin 's latest hit tune started going through my head, but with altered words... "They find a b0mb underneath your chair, wonder who done put it there. Don't worry...be happy."

Eventually the airline personnel declared, "it's part of the chair," and dispersed. Somehow I didn't feel any more secure. I believe I ate the Pocky at that point.

Pocky Thing Two: Pocky is made by a company called "Glico." Ok, this is really bizarre, but it rhymes with "Biko," and it always used to make this song go through my head, about Steve Biko--by Sweet Honey in the Rock. I just played that song for my "teaching about Africa" class this morning. Weird.

OK, it's one a.m. and I really have to finish up my presentation! Who am I kidding--I really have to START my presentation! aak....

Toads, Tanabata, Tamakazura

it seems like there are hardly any fireflies this year, compared to previous years. i probably shouldn't worry about this, since they have endured for however many milennia with no problem. perhaps the local deficit of fireflies is related to the local surfeit of toads (i noticed four (or maybe five) toads (the ittybitty cute kind) inside of five minutes within a few feet of garden path last night). Perhaps both deficit and surfeit are my imagination.



tonight is Tanabata in Japan. there's some story about lovers who were cursed by the gods, transformed into stars and forced to live on opposite sides of the milky way, but one night a year (that would be tonight) they get to cross the river and be together. People tie wishes to trees or something. Sheesh, it's really been a long time since I lived there, hasn't it? It's all a blur. I do remember Ritsuko's dad helping to carry the shrine around the neighborhood in, what, 1993...

Well, here you can learn more than you ever wanted to know about Tanabata.

Today is also my little cousin Mia's second birthday. Happy birthday Mia!

We can tie this (fireflies & Japan) all together by noting that there is a passage in the Tale of Genji* in which the naughty Genji releases a bunch of fireflies so that his brother can catch a glimpse of the beautiful Tamakazura.... If you can manage to ignore the gender-power-trip context, I always thought that was a charming image... a pale face in the darkness, ever-so-briefly illuminated by firefly-light...


When I googled for images I found that someone's rather ratty-looking tiger-stripe cat is named Tamakazura. Not a fitting tribute at all.

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* you know, that turn-of-the-last-milennium Japanese novel about which I wrote my (ahem) 138-page senior thesis (double-spaced, though, unlike M's, as we all know....)

if you drop out of grad school...

...(which I did myself some years ago; I highly recommend it)...this looks like a fun way to spend the next year or so: build yourself a Cob House! For free, apparently! (I think you would need some land tho, I don't think they'd let you do it in James Madison Park...but the building materials are free)

See, you get to stomp around in the mud...



And then you have a beautiful, ecological, non-toxic, durable home in any shape you want!




The top one's in Devon, England, inhabited from 1539 (see what I mean about durable?)
The bottom one, I'm guessing was built just a tad more recently. I think it's in Canada.

Cool!

Read all about it here...
and check out the photos here and
here.

Loopy found this while she was procrastinating. Now it's time for Tuna Helper! Yippeee!

anyone out there?

just out of curiosity (and, ok, also because i didn't get invited to the ultra-cool blogging girls' dinner)(I'm getting over it), I was wondering if anyone reads this besides Loopy? I mostly write just for the heck of it, but let's be honest, I do sort of hope that someone will read it. So, I am conducting a poll of, as Chris(sy) always says, "my 1.3 readers." So...... if you see this post, please post a comment or email me................
.............thanks!

odds & ends

Loopy is making me a new sweater with this yarn - Cascade Sierra Quatro (color #82 on the card below). It's going really fast--this one might even be done before I outgrow it!!


A dear friend from high school married an extremely talented photographer, and here is his extraordinarily beautiful website: http://abstractsouthwest.com/.

Movies that start with "S"

So, we didn't see "Stepford Wives," instead we saw "Saved," which I kinda liked in spite of the bizarrely mixed-up Message--God loves fags and shoplifters, so g'head, swipe your sister's credit card--Jesus still loves you, or something. I just enjoyed the acting and the weird quirky characters. I think it was a little too much like a return to Bible College for loopy, who emerged from the whole thing looking a bit green around the gills. I guess it's also ridiculous to gloss over the fact that in real life, the teen-pregnant heroine and her gay ex-boyfriend would have been seriously fucked over, not let off the hook by people who suddenly realized that "hey everybody's human." Still, there were some very funny moments and good one-liners...

OK, so, well, 'nuff about that, tonight we saw "Spiderman 2" which I enjoyed so much I wanted to stay for the next showing, but Loopy insisted that we eat dinner instead (silly girl). I liked that I found it hard to predict how the romance angle would turn out, even up until the absolute last minute.

Either there's been a sudden wave of characters who struggle with the theme of "but do I have to save the world? exactly how much of it do I have to save, exactly?" or I'm just noticing them all of a sudden. (Frodo, Aragorn, Spiderman...) I'm kind of struggling with letting go of the save-the-world thing, which tends to distort one's perceptions--perceptions of others, of their needs, of my importance, and of my abilities. If I'm going to keep teaching for the next twenty or thirty years, I need to be able to survive it, plus I think the best teachers aren't hung up in a vision of their own heroism, but just like doing the job. I do genuinely like the job, and tangling myself up in some delusion of a grand responsibility for the destiny of all my students just gets in the way of being calm, focused, and effective. So these larger-than-life heroes aren't necessarily the best focus at the moment.

At the same time, there's a positive interpretation... I struggle at the same time to be my "best self," not (as I've said previously) to hide behind this fluttery irresponsibility, craziness, etc. -- not to automatically react with submissiveness and "rolling over and showing my tummy," in dog language, whenever I have to deal with an aggressive person. I admit to liking that quote about "our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure..." (wrongly but appealingly attributed to Nelson Mandela, who, when he said it, was actually quoting Marianne Williamson, a more embarrassing source for a putative revolutionary.....) blah blah blah! boy am I self-absorbed at times. And there are much more interesting things to talk about--my class on "how to teach about africa," for one thing.

Carol asked for an update on my life and I keep meaning to post one. It would probably be more interesting than what seems to have been a string of overly narcissistic meditations on trite movie themes. If anyone is reading this, I promise to try to be more entertaining and informative, and hopefully to post a life update soon.