but what's been going on OUTSIDE my head?

So let's see. I went to a job fair a week ago. I wore the outfit at left, which I try to think of as having "retro flair" rather than being "Gidget-like." (The photo you see was actually taken so I could consider which outfit to buy... I ended up asking my psychiatrist about it because she's the best-dressed person I know. Weird, huh.)

Thanks to encouragement from my fellow inmates - excuse me, other people in my psych outpatient program - I am again looking for special ed jobs and finishing up coursework to be eligible for emergency certification.

Really, it's the best and most obvious move for me. I've always done a great job working with small groups and individual students, whereas thing I'm worst at is classroom management, i.e., making large groups of students shut up and behave.

I had a good lead at the job fair on another social studies job. Once again I impressed them with my social justice consciousness, my knowledge of the world, and let's not forget the Harvard degree, blah blah blah. I can sound pretty impressive when I want to.

But, I consciously didn't follow it up, despite urging from my teacher pals. I see no reason to try a third time something that didn't work the first two times. If I can do something easier, and do it well, for a while, I can always go back to trying the thing I have failed at when I have more experience.

I actually think it's good self-care that I'm choosing not to pursue something that has made me miserable, even though that's scary, even though I could end up jobless for the fall.

If I don't get a job this year, I can sub, I can work for a tutoring company, there are lots of things I can do. My crazy-camp buddies and of course my dear Bean have encouraged me to think bigger and not be scared.

OH! But did I mention - I had an interview Monday and I think they really liked me. I got the feeling I wasn't necessarily their first choice, but today I got an email saying they are checking references and will be in touch. So that means I'm still in the running!! Very exciting!

It's special ed at a pre-engineering school that takes low-income kids, including those with disabilities, and trains them for a four-year college degree in engineering. They are also ready for production-line pre-management jobs if they don't want to go to college.

This is a fantastic job for me. I've always been best at tutoring math, and that's basically what this job would be. I'm excited, did I mention that?

Fingers crossed.