well, back to the real world

tomorrow is my first day at my new student teaching post (thankfully no students yet). I'm going a little haywire as is my wont. I have a tendency to start panicking that I don't know enough to teach my subject, and start desperately trying to read stuff; and/or, I start creating or shopping for Cool Visual Aides, a classic procrastination technique. I have been trying not to do this, since I already developed a good syllabus during my summer school class, and I do think I know what I need to know (although I don't neccessarily have the skills down to do it well). (Geeky confession: I have been using as a mantra, Yoda's voice in my head saying, "Already know you, that which you need." I'm considering deleting this confession immediately).

Loopy made the wise suggestion that we should fend off crying and hysteria by going to a movie, which was awesome (the Bourne Supremacy)(did I ever mention--for those of you other than Amy who already knows this since she was there--that Matt Damon used to live upstairs from me before he dropped out of college?) Now no time now for panicking, time for bed. Aaack. I hope I can sleep.

Will Birdie like me? Will I screw up totally? Will she think I'm an idiot and a failure and refuse to write me a letter of recommendation? Will I cry a lot like I did last year? Will I get to the end of the semester and still be on week 2 or 3 of my syllabus, as happened in every one of my four classes last year?

It's amazing how writing down your fears can help them seem more manageable. The obvious answers to the above questions are (respectively): Doesn't matter. Unlikely. Unlikely. Even if I do, it won't kill me. Unlikely, since Birdie is a lot more hands-on than my cooperating teacher last year.

The number one question: will I be a better teacher after this semester than I am now?

Undoubtedly.

That's the main point, right? Right?