not so "alternative"

This afternoon I had shiatsu massage in the hotel fitness center and the massage therapist correctly diagnosed my back problem after 45 minutes.

Where was she two years ago, when I was getting x-rays and MRIs and spending six weeks popping pain pills while waiting to see the hotshit spine specialist?

"I have a lower back problem," I told her as she got started, "so go easy on it." "Ok," she said. That was literally the only information I gave her. Forty-five minutes later, she said, "Your back--center bones, 4 and 5, eh?" Why yes, it's the fourth and fifth lumbar vertebrae. Fucking amazing! Next time around I'll skip the vicodin and find a shiatsu practitioner. Although hopefully there won't be a next time if I keep doing my exercises faithfully. Oh, did I mention she gave me the same exercises my expensive physical therapist gave me?

"Lovey! We wanna watch TV! God!!!"

OK, bye.