Southern hospitality

As you know, last week I was in Atlanta attending the national convention of Solidarity, the socialist organization to which Loopy and I belong. Two amusing anecdotes follow:

Story #1:
All week long, VIP Theresa is talking about bags of Lenin, but she is never talking to me. "I have to go and bag some more Lenin after dinner," she comments to a friend. "Did you get your bag of Lenin?" she asks someone else another time. "Be sure you stop by room 217 for your Lenin." Theresa is too much of a VIP for me to barge into these conversations and ask, "What the heck is in these bags of Lenin? Why don't I get one?" I think to myself that maybe I'm not important enough to get a bag of Lenin. Long story short, people who are staying in the dormitories have to pick up big bags of...linen! for their beds! Theresa's gorgeous Southern accent threw me for a loop and created a running joke for everyone else all week, as people accused each other of being "linenists."

Story #2:
I am a pot virgin. Yes, it's true. I may be the last one. I don't often confess this, but it makes this story funnier. So, I'm standing in the back of the convention meeting room, listening to some important person go on and on about something (Iraq possibly, or international labor solidarity...), when James Jones (see below) comes up to me and hands me a Burger King bag. "Here's some pot," he whispers. "I had to get change so I just got some." I'm surprised, but try to look calm and cool. I take it from him, thinking, "Why are you giving this to ME?" and "damn, this bag is heavy, how much pot is in here anyway???" I quickly put it on the floor next to my stuff. After a moment's reflection I nudge it further from my stuff--wouldn't want that smell to alert the airport bloodhounds, now, would we. At the end of the talk, I leave the room clutching the bag, looking for someone to give it to who might want it. James sees it and looks surprised. "Isn't it melted?" "huh?" I say. "Wasn't it frozen?" he asks. I'm completely nonplussed. I open the bag, and find... chocolate cream pie, Burger King style. (Say "pie" with a Southern accent and you'll understand...)