So I didn't even make it over there yesterday. I panicked and went into full avoidance mode. Result--still sitting at the computer in my nightgown 12 hours later. Ah well. Trying again today. On the plus side, I think I've got the panicking out of my system, at least about this initial encounter. I feel quite relaxed actually.
I've got a quote taped to my bathroom mirror about facing your fears and "do the thing you think you cannot do," along with a photo of Emma Goldman. It occurs to me that perhaps I'm allowing myself to over-dramatize all this. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Certainly not deportation to Russia or imprisonment on Blackwell's Island (things that happened to Emma G). And hey, remember, I actually like being around kids. This could actually be fun and interesting. More likely to be so if I have the attitude that it will be. Panic doesn't help, that's for sure.
So, off I go. Trying again. Dear Shawnee wrote that a friend once commented to her, "you can start over whenever you like." So I'm starting over, hopefully not taking it all so deathly seriously. I'm also recalling a favorite quote, "how wonderful it is that no one need wait a single moment to experience true happiness." In other words if I just stop all the insanity in my head and, well, just stop, there is peace.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
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2 comments:
Where does that last quote come from?
the last quote comes from--I am going to spell this so, so, so wrong-- the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh (?). It's in this great little book called something like "the long road leads to joy," about walking meditation. Since I have to walk for my back I thought that would be good, but I'm not diligent enough to get far. Still, it's very useful as a periodic reminder...
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