spent the whole day in a state of extreme "poverty mind," feeling like i needed - really needed - something outside myself. scrambling for it, casting about in hopes of finding it. even though i saw what i was doing, i didn't stop. didn't take a shower, didn't eat.

feel drained and flat.

plans tomorrow to work all day. had planned to have long dog walk and meditation in the morning, but those have been sacrificed to starting work earlier and cleaning out the dining room so we can have a friend of R's to dinner that night. i was supposed to do the latter today but i was ... yeah.

so, not such a great day in self-care land.