hmmmmmmmmm.......: wow. done.

hmmmmmmmmm.......: wow. done.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

wow. done.

So.... I just finished & printed out a paper that was originally due in January 2002. It's been hanging over my head all that time. While writing it I went through all kinds of emotions--shame about how long it took, frustration with myself, fear of the future (after I get certified and maybe get a job or start subbing). And now it's done.

It's weird to look at it now; even at 25 pages, it seems so small and insignificant compared with the amount of space it's taken up in my head and my life. It's like getting a terrifying tumor removed from my body and finding that it's the size of a pea.

Huh.

2 comments:

nadine said...: Yay! Congratulations!!!; 3:23 PM, July 27, 2006
birdfarm said...: thanks beanlet. :-) :-); 7:42 PM, July 28, 2006

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*The quote in the top bar is from Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, whom I tend to view with some suspcion as a person (great teacher or charismatic cult leader? I'm not sure!), but whose teachings I often find useful nonetheless... here is a further elaboration:

The sense of trust is that, when you apply your inquisitiveness, when you look into a situation, you know that you will get a definite response.

If you take steps to accomplish something, that action will have a result--either failure or success. When you shoot your arrow, either it will hit the target or it will miss. Trust is knowing that there will be a message.

When you trust in those messages, the reflections of the phenomenal world, the world begins to seem like a bank, or reservoir, of richness. You feel that you are living in a rich world, one that never runs out of messages....

You trust, not in success, but in reality.... [W]hatever the result that comes from your action, that result is not an end in itself. You can always go beyond the result; it is the seed for a further journey.

And,

Often, when someone tells us we should be fearless, we think they're saying not to worry, that everything is going to be all right. But unconditional fearlessness is simply based on being awake....

[F]earlessness is unconditional because you are neither on the side of success or failure. Success and failure are your journey.