help! Seattle cat needs a home!

Nadine's cat needs a new home as the family is moving to Singapore. Nadine wrote on her blog, "I really hope we don't have to take her to a shelter or put her down. So heart wrenching. If anyone knows of a good place for cats, please let me know. Also, if anyone knows someone who wants a cat..."

This is so sad! Please forward this to friends who might be able to help, especially if they're in the Northwest. Here's Nadine's description:

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Xiti is a 16 year old cameo (cream) Persian. She's in good health. She's a gentle indoor cat and not one to climb much on things. Great lap cat, loud purr. A little shy and will prefer a quiet home. That said though, she super gentle and just stays clear of my toddler when she is trying to "pet" her.

My husband* has had her since she was a kitten. We are very sad to be leaving her but we will be moving to a different country at the end of the summer and don't think she will weather the hot temperature, long flight and quarantine period well. We'd love her to find a good home.

Here are some pictures of her.

She will come with litter box, litter locker, bowls, brushes, mats, beds and any of the kitty accessories that we have.

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help people!

*that's Nadine's husband in case you weren't reading carefully

last stand, I wish

so it's coming down to the wire. I have to finish everything by August 7. I'm close enough that it could really happen, I'm almost there.... but.... I was doing so great for a while there but all my stuck-ness has returned with a vengeance.

I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but my therapist (OLIF)'s theory on all my troubles is pretty straightforward: my mother never grew up and took on adult responsibilities, and I don't want to either. I want to just lie around the house as an eternal teenager. (It doesn't help that interactions with reality make me so anxious) So I sabotage anything that would create adult responsibility in my life and require me to grow up. Makes sense.

So the last month or so since my trip I've been feeling much more grown-up, capable, responsible, etc. But now I feel so stuck and can't bring myself to want to snap out of it.

OLIF says it's the recalcitrant child's "last stand"; I said, "I wish!" -- if only I thought it were the last stand! He corrected himself and said it was one in a series. Anyway it's the last stand for stopping me from getting my certification. I just feel terrified. I said I thought that I manufacture these huge obstacles and stick myself behind them because stuck-ness somehow feels safe to me in some sick way.

Writing about it helps. There is nothing to fear in being a grown-up, having responsibility, maybe making some mistakes. I can handle it. It's not a near-death experience every day, even though in the past I lived as though it was. But I know how to do it differently now...

Most of all I owe it to myself to get out of this hole and get on with my life.

Any messages of encouragement from friends would really be useful at this exact point in time.... nothing major just let me know you're out there rooting for me.

Thanks for being there anyway, even those of you who don't read regularly and might not see this.

OK. back to work.

inspired by Ang

Ang posted this really great post about things she used to like and now doesn't, things she used to not like and now does, etc. Here is my response....

Things I used to like but don't anymore:

• school
  
• reading fiction (truth is stranger than, and more interesting too!)
  
• cramming a weekend with non-stop social activity
  
• sweet alcoholic drinks (peppermint schnapps, bailey's & cream)
  
• fried eggplant
  
• wearing long skirts with high-top converse sneakers
  

Things I didn't used to like, but now do:

• avocados
  
• eggs (both these are a texture thing)
  
• really cold weather
  
• being alone sometimes
  
• watching TV
  

Things I didn't like in the past, and still don't like:

• peas
  
• being imitated in a mocking voice
  
• Israel invading Lebanon
  

Things I always liked:

• Madonna (so sue me)
  
• lying around the house all day
  
• uh... I dunno... ice cream?
  

500

This is my five hundredth post. I couldn't think of anything truly momentous to post in honor of it, so herewith I give you five hundred dots.

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Doesn't seem like much, does it.

wow. done.

So.... I just finished & printed out a paper that was originally due in January 2002. It's been hanging over my head all that time. While writing it I went through all kinds of emotions--shame about how long it took, frustration with myself, fear of the future (after I get certified and maybe get a job or start subbing). And now it's done.

It's weird to look at it now; even at 25 pages, it seems so small and insignificant compared with the amount of space it's taken up in my head and my life. It's like getting a terrifying tumor removed from my body and finding that it's the size of a pea.

Huh.

i volunteer

so I just heard on the news that it will soon be illegal to take a minor across state lines to get her an abortion without her parents' consent. I just wanted to announce that I am available anytime to take any minors anywhere they need to go to get an abortion, especially if it's illegal, so if you know anyone who needs one, send her my way.

also, in the last week when I have been out of touch at the convention of the socialist organization to which I belong,* it seems like the news approach to global warming has shifted from "it's not happening, it's not happening, la-la-la-la-la-la-la I can't hear you!!!!!!" to making jokes about it.

I suppose the shift must have happened more slowly, but somehow I didn't notice it until tonight when I heard two news anchors making jokes about getting over to see the Alps before all the glaciers melt, and how all the Alpen skiiers will have to take up water-skiing. Ha very ha.

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(as I said to one of my Flickr pen-pals, a guy from Slovenia, "I'm packing to go to Chicago for 12 days (for the convention of our socialist org--you'll know we've had a successful convention when you see that the US has become a socialist country; it should happen in the next week)."

coda coda*

....which is another way of saying, couples therapy has been really successful and we are just in a really good place right now. it's like starting over, except so much better. i know i've said that before, but i just wanted to reiterate it. because it's so unexpected and so wonderful, and it keeps getting better and better.

hope you're in a good place too, today...

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"coda" meaning "Closing section of a composition. An added ending." not any of its other meanings. referring to this post being an added comment on the final statement of the previous post.

"Summer afternoon...summer afternoon…

...to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language." So said Henry James (or possibly Henry David Thoreau--one of the Henrys)(looked it up—it's James—also discovered that about fifty billion other people have used it as the title of a blog post—oh well).

Chicago, five o’clock on a Saturday: the sun had sunk low enough that, while the east side of the street was still baking in brilliant light, the west side was in shadow. The sunlight slanted between the buildings, glowing warmly in greenery and dazzling me as I passed each opening; in the shade of their houses, people had come out to putter in their front gardens or sit on their stoops with beer and dogs.

An elderly Taiwanese woman pulled irritably at tomato vines thick with ripening fruit; her deeply lined face appeared focused and perplexed as though attempting to solve a problem. A few doors down, a balding man at the top of his front steps was reading the paper, with an enormous, alert German shepherd seated on either side; the dogs looked at me searchingly as I walked past, and the man gave me a mild hello.

Out on the main street the light was almost blinding and my eyes were filled up with what seemed to be women everywhere, their smooth rounded flesh half-undressed in the heat—floaty gauze grazing calves, strappy straps digging into bare backs, hair plastered against curving necks. Saturday afternoon promenade, with big sunglasses and cell phones; the usual purposeful pace of the city is reduced to a lazy saunter in the heavy heat.

As I waited for my iced coffee, I watched a police van pull up in front of the 7-11 across the street; the thick-vested, heavily armed cops took turns going inside. One got a Big Gulp; the other emerged with a Smart Water and something else I couldn’t see, which he mixed in a plastic container, shaking vigorously.

All very ordinary, unremarkable, summer afternoon details, but somehow the brilliant golden light seemed to etch each in my memory. Cloth clinging to skin in the sticky heat, pursed mouths sucking icy drinks, dogs straining at leashes as flip-flopped feet struggled for traction, bare flesh flecked with sweat.

Summer afternoon, summer afternoon... James's "beautiful" is too weak an adjective.

The words are redolent with echoes of childhood delights and reverberations of grown-up pleasures. They conjure a tactile voluptuousness, a sleepy sensuality, a familiar and delicious torpor.

Either that or I’ve been getting laid so much I can’t think straight.

Patrick O has tenure!

For those of you who were in college with us and knew Patrick O... (from Catholic Student Association, BGLSA, and Dunster House) he just got tenure at Georgetown University in English! Way to go! Yay!

Leon of course is still by his side (I think that's the most enduring relationship of all my friends--what is it, sixteen years?). Patrick writes, "He seems to be enjoying working at the Washington Hospital Center, although he keeps on taking on more responsibilities (he's now the assistant program director for the entire residency program in medicine), so he works longer hours than I'd like. But I guess that's part of being a doctor's spouse." Indeed.

Remember all those years when they weren't living in the same city? I always tell people that story when they're trying to figure out whether to do a long-distance relationship... personally I couldn't hack it (as we know from the fact that I made R set up a schedule so we wouldn't be apart more than three nights all summer, with all the Chicago back-and-forthing). Before P & L's epic commuter saga, I always said that "long-distance relationships are for people who don't have the balls to admit they're really breaking up." They sure made a fool out of me! And I'm glad of it! I love you guys!

comforter; superman; jobs

Three unrelated things.

Comforter

Last night at like 2 am Loopy got up to go take pills for her aching back. I worry about her but there's not much I can do, and she's doing what she can--physical therapy, exercise, getting a referral to a rehab specialist, and today she went to acupuncture for the first time (she has a needle phobia so we talked about them as pins, which actually I guess they are, since neither medicine nor a thread passes through them, so why would they be needles?)(o my brave girl, nonetheless!).

So anyway as she often does she got up to medicate her pains, and when she came back to bed I woke up enough to realize I was cold. "Comforter," I managed in my mostly-asleep state.

She patted the comforter, folded up at the foot of the bed. "Mmm," she said, as if to say, "Yup, it's right here, this is a comforter," and climbed into bed and passed out.

I was mildly annoyed but couldn't wake up enough to pull the comforter up myself. This morning when I woke up I remembered the whole thing and found it hilarious. All day I keep remembering it and laughing. "Yup, here it is, here's the comforter, right here at the foot of the bed. Snore." Sweet silly girl.

Superman

Tonight we saw "Superman." I was surprised because:

(1) the movie poster is all "fainting damsel in distress," like the "Batman Begins" poster, and the "Batman Begins" movie. I just thought I would throw up when I saw it, because I'm increasingly having the feeling that feminism is vanishing all around me--maybe it's my friend's daughter with her princess-obsession; maybe it's the fact that abortion is being outlawed left and right and nobody seems to give a shit. Anyway, actually, the movie wasn't like that. There's actually a scene where Lois Lane saves Superman! Wow!

(2) The reviews (and one random barista I talked to who gave me her opinion since that's what baristas and other random people do in Madison) all talked about it as "sweet and old-fashioned." But I didn't find it particularly old-fashioned at all. I think of "old-fashioned" as "unrealistically simplistic and uncomplicated." But actually it seemed to be about how love is complicated, in a very "divorced-and-blended-families" kind of way. Grown-up themes like: things don't turn out how you thought they would when you were younger, and yet happiness is still to be found; sometimes you find that someone else is raising your children and you have to make peace with that; sometimes you find that your lover still has feelings about a past love and you have to make peace with that; and basically it's all complicated.

I did get tired of the special effects though. Over and over, everything starts shaking, and there are lots of close-ups of things on tables jumping around and sliding off. It gets old.

jobs

So, somehow I'm really able to work now. Buckle down, get to it, etc. I'm much more able to prioritize and think clearly than I have been for years. It's wonderful. I'm not asking why--not looking a gift horse in the mouth right now--just trying to get shit done.

One of the thigns I"m doing is applying for jobs left and right. TOday I made my first follow-up call--for a job in Mt. Horeb, only 20 minutes from my house, and classes I'd like to teach too. They already hired someone. Too bad. But there are more--one in Waunakee, which isn't too far at all. THe scene is more optimistic than I had thought--there are more opportunities--but I have a couple strikes against me (like, districts would rather hire someone who already has their license, rather than take a chance on someone who will "hopefully" have it in August), so, we'll see.

If I end up subbing I am going to Iran in October (oh, Loopy, did I tell you that?) so either way I'm happy. No matter what, I'm determined to get that certification in August, though. Gotta get on with my life!

That's the news on my end..... what's new w you?

New photos of Nadine's and Colin's visits

I posted a bunch of pix to my Flickr site from the last two weekends with dear college friends. I don't know why I didn't write a blog post about what a great time we had with Colin, and now I'm too tired to write about either weekend. But, here are some pix. Click on any photo for a larger version.


Colin generously splitting his key lime cupcake with me. We had a wonderful picnic while waiting for an outdoor Bonnie Raitt concert. I'm a huge BR fan and I love picnics, so the whole expedition was sheer heaven for me.


Two good-looking people in a lovely light...


Ice cream on Armitage St., enjoying the cool evening after a hot day


Bean and her Beanlet visit the Shiny Bean (aka Cloud Gate in Millennium Park)

Click here to see more on Flickr.

Note: You can only see them if I've marked you a "friend" in Flickr; if I haven't, email me your Flickr i.d. and I will rectify the problem (assuming I actually consider you a friend... just kidding, anyone who reads this blog is a friend...both because I'm grateful to have readers, and because mostly only my friends know about it!)

how desperate am I?

Could I teach at a Catholic school?

They start every day with prayer and go to church once a week. Religion is a required subject. And if they get sent to the principal for being bad, they have to pray with her too.

I'm already struggling with the concept of being a cog in the normally repressive/oppressive school system. Could I cope with being a cog in the extra-double-plus repressive/oppressive world of Catholicism? Supporting a system that supports the current pope, and all he has to say to the little queer children in my classes?

I applied for it, but I don't know if I could go through with it.

Of course, when I consider that this school is just 45 minutes away, and that a lot of the jobs I'm applying for are a good deal further (I'm applying for everything within 1.5 hours of home), I start to think that maybe I could put up with some praying if it meant I could get some extra sleep.

Check out the website... and let me know what you think.

more and more and more fireflies

they must be at their peak... there are so many out there, in the woods, that it's like a lightning storm or a stadium full of flashbulbs at a key moment in a sporting event (if lightning and flashbulbs were as sweetly meandering, lingering, faint, and lovely as fireflies).

I was in awe on my drive home tonight as they flickered along the roadside; when I got home, I even tried to take photos but (not surprisingly) that didn't go too well. Surprisingly enough, they do actually show up in the picture (and there's so much blinking going on out there that many show up in the picture)... but they just look like little pinpoints... not as lovely as the whole fireworks show (if fireworks were as sweetly meandering... you know).

*sigh.* As I've said before, I love fireflies. (Quote from the comments on the linked post: "The first sight of fireflies always arouses in me a sort of delighted enchantment with the universe. I never get used to them or find them ordinary. They're perfect.")

:-)