a modest suggestion for whiling away the time during the very long march of the penguins

Note to self: senile Dad is not best source for movie recommendations.

So we went to see "The March of the Penguins" tonight and..... well, my strongest impression was that I was seeing someone's vacation photos.

It was like, some guys went to the Antarctic for a year and endured all this hardship, but man, they got some great photos, and wait, you gotta see this one, isn't that cool? but wait, this next one is really awesome, and oh my god, check this one out! Look at the feathers! Look at the eyes! We were so jazzed to get this great light that day... But wait, there's a bunch more, hold on, I'll get the other album...

In case you're thinking that at least I learned something about penguins, I regret to say that in fact the film is only marginally more informative than the paragraph above.

Don't get me wrong, it had its moments—its adorable, funny, sweet, and awe-inspiring moments—but, as Ang also notes, not enough of them for a feature film.

In order to make something useful out of this experience (for I am nothing if not resourceful--lemonade from lemons and all that) I have devised a drinking game.

I don't advise people to shell out the dough to see this film in the theater, but should you choose to rent it someday, here are the rules.

March of the Penguins drinking game 1. Drink once whenever Morgan Freeman says... "seventy miles" or "long journey" "hungry" "it's been (x) days/months since their last meal/since they've eaten" "they've lost (x fraction) of their body weight" "they will return" "not all will survive" "unborn child" anthropomorphisms: "love," "family," and any others you identify (Note: those who can't hold their liquor will want to scratch this rule, since that's, like, the whole movie.) 2. Drink twice for each closeup of a dead baby penguin or frozen egg.* 3. Drink three times whenever a group of penguins leaves the sea for the breeding ground, or leaves the breeding ground for the sea. 4. And whenever a predator appears on the screen, drink continuously until it catches a penguin.

Well, try it someday and let me know what you think.

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*Many thanks to Franklin for this highly suitable suggestion.