discipline

in reference to the whole thing I discussed in the previous post about swinging from one extreme to another--from compulsively avoiding work to compulsively doing work--I've been thinking that this is because I lack some kind of solid interior compass or, what would you call it, lodestone, something that I can come back to.

One word that came to mind as I was thinking about this was "discipline"--I lack discipline--the discipline to work at appropriate times and the discipline to rest at appropriate times. I feel lost and unmoored all the time, trapped and confused.

And, a phrase came into my head from When Things Fall Apart: "What we discipline is not our 'badness'..." but I couldn't remember the rest. All I can think of is disciplining (punishing) my badness, my failures... So I looked up the full quote. Here it is, though I'd be lying if I said I had fully assimilated it...

To dissolve the causes of aggression takes discipline, gentle yet precise discipline. Without discipline, we simply don't have the support we need to evolve. What we discipline is not our "badness" or our "wrongness". What we discipline is any form of potential escape from reality. In other words, discipline allows us to be right here and connect with the richness of the moment.

...

Within this structure, we proceed with compassion...[T]he discipline is to return to gentleness, to honesty, to letting go. At the inner level, the discipline is to find the balance between not too tight and not too loose — between not too laid-back and not too rigid.

Discipline provides the support to slow down enough, and be present enough, so that we can live our lives without making a big mess. It provides the encouragement to step further into groundlessness.

--Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart (found here)

Hmmmmm....