I found another way to zone out and go numb... jigsaw puzzles.
The "retirement community" where my parents now live (such a bizarre concept in the grand scheme of human history, but so perfect for them at this time) has, among its many cheerful amenities, many jigsaw puzzles in various stages of completion, on tables hither and thither throughout the building. tonight is the third time I've come home late and worked on this one puzzle. this time, for three hours.
at 1:15 (2.25 hours and counting) the night security guy came and talked to me. i guess he watched me on the camera long enough, he started to wonder if I wasn't some crazy off the street. but after I introduced myself, he was really sweet--he knows my Dad--apparently Dad comes and talks to him on the way to breakfast eveyr morning (or he used to, until he started sleeping through breakfast). I can see why Dad would seek him out. he seems so gentle, kind, friendly, solid--and he must know Dad well, he talked about him with great affection and perception, and did a perfect imitation of the way Dad (at his most relaxed and confidential) expresses utter dismissal of some irritating person or idea. he seems to really enjoy just being a friend to the "residents," especially the ones who are lonely. he gives out hugs and people come to talk to him.
i meant to blog about something else but as it is now 3 am I will go to sleep. I was on the right track when I came home.... I talked myself out of the idea of packing or trying to cram in some last-minute homework.... I reminded myself that I want to spend some "quality time" with the folks in the a.m. so I should just go to sleep.
but somehow I'm not sorry about the puzzle. I got to meet Luis, and it was a nice way to calm down.
tomorrow I go home. I miss Loopy so much. she has been so supportive while i've been here, always available, solicitous, always knowing just the right thing to say to help me get through. (no, Autumn, she wasn't "yelling at me.") I am the luckiest personage in the world.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
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2 comments:
i have been so lucky to be able to spend time with you while you're here! i know it's been a tough trip -- i am grateful for the energy and love you've ben able to spare for and share with me in the midst of it all...
you've been lucky??? well, it's great that it worked out well for both of us, then, because I am SO immensely grateful for the time you could spare for me. that long walk really helped me get through everything. the trip was actually very good in many ways; maybe I'll blog about it soon. but basically the sense of space, giving myself space to just feel what i was feeling... they talk about it in the Buddhist books I've been reading, a "sense of spaciousness," and I really had no idea what that meant until this weekend. anyway, that nice walk, where you helped me give myself that space, and you yourself helped create space, was very important to the processs.... I have no idea if this is even a little bit coherent, but anyway, that's how I feel. love v
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