electoral vote counter icon thingy

This website is cool. The icon is cool. I like. :) Except it's too hard to figure out what "EV" stands for (electoral votes).



My students are absolutely beside themselves with excitement about the campaign. Obama t-shirts are everywhere on the street on South Side Chicago. I don't know what they'll do if Obama loses. I am not confident of the win yet... quite convinced of the Bradley effect. :P

What do you think?

I'm not sick of talking about it, though. We watch CNN and MSNBC pretty much 24/7. You?

lotta catching up...

so remember the job interview i went to at the end of June? well, at the end of July they suddenly called and offered me the job! needless to say i took it as fast as i could dial the phone.

so now i'm working at a charter school (no union, so i can't hold my head up among socialists anymore, but as they're all still campaigning for fuckin Nader (!!!), i don't really care to).

it's actually humane, and there is even some human dignity allowed to exist. the teachers are not cruel to the students. the principal is not cruel to the teachers - in fact he is wise, strong, kind, very mellow, extremely supportive, and basically unflappable. i'm teaching social studies to 7th and 8th graders; i have a totally awesome schedule, where i see only one grade per day - 8th on Mondays and Thursdays, 7th on Tuesdays and Fridays, and they alternate Wednesdays (so one wednesday is 7th, the next is 8th). so every day i only have to worry about preparing for one class. It's really great. the kids are not easy, but they are nowhere near as angry and defensive as my students last year. when they all come pouring out of the school you just feel like, this is what a school is supposed to be like - instead of trying to break up ten different fights in the first ten minutes. the parents are not necessarily economically better off than the parents at my old school, but they do seem much more stable in their lives. Overall - a very interesting experience.

Just recently I've started to feel like maybe I could think about getting my life back a little... posting on Flickr, blogging, etc. - the way things were before Loopy got sick, we moved to Chicago, etc. It's an amazing thought. Not live every day in total stress, fear, panic, and despair? Is it possible???

Hope you are all doing ok. I'll try to be in better touch with everyone soon... :)

wow, Michelle...

it struck me forcefully that i have never seen a multiracial crowd of 50,000 people (ref) listen with rapt attention to the words of a Black woman. never.

maybe there's a Black woman preacher somewhere (here are Ebony's top 15) who has commanded an audience like this, but i haven't seen it and neither have most people in this country, i'd bet.

every time they cut to the crowd it was almost a shock to see the faces of all these white people LISTENING to a Black woman.

when Carol Moseley Brown ran for president, nobody listened to her - I remember watching her in the early debates - she would say something intelligent, and there was no response; a minute later, some now-forgotten white guy would say the same thing, to thunderous applause. this pretty much mirrors every discussion section, every staff meeting, every political group i've ever been in. i used to take joy in making the point, in those settings, "you know, x just said that a few minutes ago," and enjoy the startled looks on people's faces as much as x's obvious satisfaction.

but nobody had to point out that Michelle was speaking, had spoken, or what she said, because everybody was listening. REALLY listening.

i think about my students. they won't have noticed this. but they'll grow up in a world where 50,000 people, including some of the biggest political big shots in the nation and the world, have hung on a Black woman's words for - was it really only 15 minutes?

excuse me while i wax ecstatic.

DNC convention website

Of course, all this doesn't matter one whit to those who are so intent on portraying her as somehow a cross between Ivana Trump and Angela Davis... read this blog:
http://michellemalkin.com/2008/08/25/exclusive-advance-text-of-michelle-obamas-speech/
(copy-paste so i don't show up in her trackbacks! yikes!)

The scary thing is how stupid so many of her commenters are...

silly dogs, installment #3,294,786

So there is a pair of mulberry trees across the street, which, it turns out, produce actual mulberries, and scatter them all over the sidewalk. (I would like to see them produce silkworms, but I guess that's too much to ask).

We were worried about our 14-year-old husky's arthritis because whenever we went out for a walk, he would slow down dramatically after crossing the street.

But Loopy figured it out first: he doesn't like to step on the mulberries.

If you want to laugh really, really hard, try watching an elderly blind dog try to pick his way among mulberries. He can't quite see them, but he's looking as hard as he can, and he literally walks on tiptoes trying not to step on any.

Awww, bunny, do they feel all squishy and gross?

Hahahahaha.

happy day

Loopy n i been spending too much time in the house stressing out, n we started fighting... (can you see the degeneration of my grammar before your very eyes? between texting, IM'ing, and spending all day every day in a classroom full of children speaking non-standard English...yeah).

Our New York trip got canceled somewhere in a fit of pique... it was probably a good decision but not made the best possible way...

So today we just took the day and spent it together - out of the house. We took the bus...I at least felt both virtuous and less insulated from the world... I love walking in the city. We went to Best Buy, the hardware store, ate gelato and belgian waffles, had a pedicure and a yummy Chinese dinner, then caught War, Inc.. It was just really pleasant to be out of the house in the sunshine, and to just be together...

The movie was much more entertaining than I had expected from the reviews. Don't expect too much from it and you won't be disappointed. It is not an incisive documentary on the Middle East - doesn't go anywhere near as far as Syriana toward trying to actually explain anything at all complex. (jesus, was it really 3 years ago that we went to Syriana with Shamus and Ang? time sure does fly... )

It's definitely more occupied with broad satire than any kind of subtlety. Has only a couple of simple points to make (war is all about corporate interests, i.e., war profiteers; all the talk of freedom and democracy is a cynical fabrication...) and it hammers them home repeatedly. But the satire, however broad, had me laughing quite a bit. There were a couple of times when Loopy and I were laughing and saying at the same time, "this is so wrong... this is so wrong..." because the jokes did get pretty sick.

It also was remarkably similar to Grosse Pointe Blank, which maybe nobody remembers but me because it's one of my all-time favorite movies. Cusack stabs a guy in the side of the head with a wine uncorking thingy instead of stabbing a guy in the neck with a ball point pen, but the female reaction is pretty much identical.

Overall I'd recommend it but you probably do have to be in the mood.

On the job front I decided to try to go into special ed. If I can get emergency certified this summer I should be able to get a job for the fall, no problem. Now that I've made the decision it seems so obvious and I'm getting excited about it, but it remains to be seen whether I can complete the online courses fast enough, etc etc. We'll see. I'm also gonna apply in the suburbs. Accept defeat gracefully.

That's all for now....

two movies & an update

Just got back from seeing Hancock, which was really quite a entertaining. Partway through, the tired old plot of "those Black guys with the chip on their shoulder just need a lil love n understanding" gives way to something quite a bit more interesting. Loopy saw the plot twist coming, but I had no idea. See if you can predict it!

Couple days ago we saw the new Indiana Jones. Always good for a bit of fun, of course, but the plot was one of the worst yet - of course, there's no reason to think too carefully about the plot. The human-interest aspect presents a very thorny problem and wraps it up far too quickly, neatly, and easily, but hey. With Lucas on board it could have been much, much worse.

In between I've been working pretty hard on the job search, actually... kinda proud of myself even though there's always more I coulda been doing... decided to take a class that would (I think) qualify me for emergency special-ed certification, which would pretty much guarantee me something in the fall. I'm thinking of aiming for either a suburban (easier) classroom and if that fails, taking a special ed position anywhere. I have always done better working with one student or a small group anyway, and that's where special ed teachers work in CPS, which is great, really.... more and more it feels like the natural next direction. After you get the emergency certification you have a couple years to finish the rest of the coursework...

We'll see what happens.

comprehensive update...

Loopy and i had a fabulous, spectacular, delicious, delightful vacation in Mexico... i am going thru the photos and when I have some on Flickr i'll blog about it too...

but for now, back to real life: while procrastinating on aspects of the job search, i wrote two long, rambling emails to a new friend... may be info you already know, since the only people still checking out this blog are old friends :) and thank you for that :) :) ... hell, it may be too long for anyone to slog through... no obligation... god knows i've fallen far, far behind on reading anyone else's blogs! i'll try to post something light, cute and witty soon...

but anyway since it was a fairly comprehensive (as the title says) update on my life recently, I thought it would be good to reprint them here...

#1: Indecision ...
i don't know about my interview [yesterday]... staying up most of the night before it was not good... also not good that i had not been taking my ADD meds... i was scattered, talked too fast, didn't connect with the interviewers, got sidetracked without finishing answering their questions... and i felt that i came across way too harvard, and not enough southside-Chicago. i didn't fit.

still haven't finished the [21-page online] application... screwing around, procrastinating... one thing that's interfering is mixed feelings about the whole thing... i don't want to have another hellish year like last year, and it's hard to go all-out to get a job when i'm afraid that it's just going to be more of the same. it's hard, too, that in the whole process, i have to present myself as a successful teacher when i feel that i failed a lot... not sure what to do...

i know i still want to teach, it's all i want to do... it's exciting, it's interesting, it engages my whole being in the most fascinating problem-solving exercises imaginable... and it can be very rewarding... you mentioned yesterday how you enjoy reading professional journals etc. - that's how i feel about teaching - i never felt that way about web development! i always want to learn more, get better... i'm tired after this year, but still, in spite of everything, when i get discouraged, i just recall the faces of my students, the few moments of success that made them light up.... and past students... finding their own strengths and discovering that they are smarter than they thought.....

so i know i will teach, but there are a lot of options about how to do that, and i'm not sure which direction to pursue.... *sigh* work always has its challenges but it should not have to be such hell.

* * * * *

email #2 - a lot of stuff you probably already know lol

i used to be a much more driven person, but have in recent years been seeking more balance... tried to stop punishing myself with work... i have a younger friend who's still driven, never sleeps, always taking classes and getting higher and higher levels of certification... i can't think that that is what human life is supposed to be... having a goal (like the cum laude diploma :) ) is a good thing, but how much is good/appropriate to sacrifice for the goal, and when does it start to just shorten your life and make it more miserable? i guess we all weigh those things..

yes, i was a corporate exec in web development....almost by accident... i was just in the right place at the right time... i was a print graphic designer when the internet appeared in the business world, so we were just naturally expected to do the web design too, so i taught myself, and then for a brief time, 1-2 years' web experience was all ANYONE had, and i shot up the career ladder far above my actual capacity lol. i was basically a project manager - it was a good niche for me because i was science-geeky enuf (i did learn basic and pascal a million years ago - like, 1984, 1985! - and i understand databases, and i can often figure out web app coding and tinker with it if someone else has written it...) so yes i was geeky enuf to talk to the programmers and understand the possibilities and limitations they would explain to me (that was my favorite part! helping to plan the functionality and architecture without actually having to do the coding! lol), ........AND i was also business-savvy enough to understand what the bosses wanted and even anticipate their needs, so i could translate between geek and boss and help bring their ideas together to create something better than either one of them had imagined ... then my own strongest skills were in design, just for icing on the cake.

Only problem: my ADD was not yet medicated so i was a terrible manager. Couldn't manage time, people, the pieces of a project - couldn't keep it all in my head, couldn't prioritize, couldn't organize. (Looking back, I should have been some kind of communications liaison rather than a manager). Once i got medicated (several years after i got out of that business) I was very angry and bitter for a couple months, about all the ways I had failed, that wouldn't have happened if I had just had those little pills earlier! (I went through that again at the end of this year, because in like March or April I finally got into the medical system here and the doctor increased my ADD meds and my antidepressants, and I got so much more productive and positive and energetic... again, wish I'd had that at the beginning of the year, instead of spending months where i just barely got out of bed...)

After a while I stopped being bitter, because my own failures and struggles *do* give me a *huge* amount of insight and empathy when I work with struggling students... I know they are not just failing on purpose to annoy me, even though they try to act like they are (because who wouldn't rather be "bad" than "stupid"?)... They would succeed if they could. So it helps me commit to finding out how to help them, find out their obstacle, help them learn to overcome it... then they just go, full speed ahead, shining...

So, while I don't believe in fate, if I did, I might think it was meant to happen that way.... a statement more in line with my worldview would be, "Every step you take is on the path." This has just been my path. This is how it happened for me. This is life. Life is hard, for everyone. This is what I have to work with.

So I do try to accept it all, and I think I do mostly, but, as I try to get going in the teaching field, I am also fighting the psychological effects of many years of pre-medication failure... I am fighting hard not to conclude that I can't do anything. I feel cynicism and giving-up creeping up on me and I have to fight it off continuously. The only reason I can keep fighting it is that I think, if I lose hope, what point is there to life? (Although Buddhism counsels us to release both hope and fear, because they are the same........ I need to think about that some more and how it applies). And I struggle to figure out whether and how to accept and work within my limitations, and whether and how to keep fighting those limitations and trying to overcome them...

* * * * * * *

and i say again... i'll try to post something light and witty soon...