uncurling

When Halloween's over I feel better. It's like this growing darkness and then a lightness and brightness of crisp autumn air. Pre-Christmas stuff starts - I know everyone complains about that, but I don't mind, I like Christmas. And the leaves are falling in earnest and the air's getting colder and... it's a good time.

Things continue to be fine at school. I come home and Loopy asks, "So how was your day?" and my answer is almost always, "Fine. They're all fine."

It's a nice change - understatement - it's a day, or a day after day, that I never thought would come. Peace? Peace in our time? It's getting quite late in the year and things haven't fallen apart yet... fingers still crossed, still knockin' on wood...

The kids don't try to get my goat because it's clear that my goat is tethered and quietly munching on grass no matter what they do. They don't always listen or behave, but they don't go after me like they used to - I don't feel like the deer in the headlights, the dartboard helpless before the speeding metal points... this gives me some breathing space to practice other things and to think that the behavior will fall into line eventually.

The image isn't an autumnal but it reflects how I feel... slowly uncurling fist, slowly unclenching muscles, body slowly unwinding from fetus-position... like the petals opening... i'll post an autumnal post separately.