the special diet

1:45 AM
me: i should go to sleep i guess
i came home and fell asleep on the couch
(R is off dogsitting at someone else's house)
1:46 AM
then just woke up a short while ago to take the dog out and have some cheerios
and since i'm late taking my meds i cried. sometimes it feels so good to take a
break from the meds, if only for 15 minutes
1:47 AM
i can see why people stop taking them.
Nadine: how come
me: cuz it's like all the time breathing shallowly and then being able to take a nice
deep breath and fill your lungs
it's like being on a diet all the time and then getting to eat something delicious
1:48 AM
Nadine: ok - interesting
me: i just have to be a grownup and understand that, like a diabetic, i have to
follow the damn diet or it hurts not just me but everyone else
Nadine: what's the delicious bit tho -
me: crying
Nadine: oh.
me: feeling things too much
Nadine: never thought of missing that
me: i guess it's like an addiction
1:49 AM
big feelings
dramatic thoughts
Nadine: ah
yeah
I can see that
I miss that too
me: yeah it does make sense right
Nadine: but I so hate the crash that comes afterwards
1:50 AM
me: heh - supposedly the crying would be the crash. but really the crash is when you
realize you've made a mess of your life.