frothy mix

Mix of events, emotions, everything.

Bad, very bad: Dog is sick. She has pneumonia and can hardly walk from arthritis. It is incredibly sad to hear her gasping for breath. She literally sounds like a saw sawing wood. Then there's the choking. That's fun too (not).

Good: I made it to the "next level" in my application for the position teaching Chinese at a charter high school.

Bad: Now I have to learn Chinese. The whole idea I could learn it in a summer seems to have sprung from some manic over-enthusiasm.

Good: But I do have a plan: walk on the treadmill every day and listen to one lesson. Twofer, eh?

Bad: a... what would you call it... not a falling out but a... difficulty with a friend. not sure what to say to her.

Good: crazy camp is going well. I find it very supportive and have hopes that it will be helpful in giving me tools to act and be sane. The doctor and staff have pointed out that I'm angry. Not sure why or what to do with the anger, but I realize they're right. Conjecture is that I'm angry because I was supposed to be a prodigy, a star, and all I did was fall from the sky.

Good-bad-good-bad-good-bad, eh? Then there's this:

"The fundamental idea of Buddhism is to pass beyond the world of opposites..."
D.T. Suzuki

And this:

"...dissolving the dualistic tension between ... good and bad, by inviting in what we usually avoid."
- Pema Chödrön

Uh, yeah. I'm still feeling it as good and bad. So... yeah.