bird... almost... in... hand... orflyingatmyheadfast

So it seems I have the job. Almost. I can go on down and sign the contract as soon as I get my Illinois license in the mail. Which was supposed to be four days ago. So I'm a bit anxious about that... I won't feel secure about having the job until I have that signed paper in my hand.

On the plus side, we are close to being ready for the move (on Tuesday). It's kind of astonishing really. Well, not so astonishing, since it's thanks to Loopy's incredible hard work—she did almost everything herself. I am miserable with guilt over the fact that she had to do all that (at a fairly high cost—she was often in pain at the end of a day of packing) and I hardly did anything on the house. I can't wait to get out of here and try to forget about that.

I am alternately excited and petrified about my job. And did I tell you, they actually seem to have hired me for fifth grade?!? I'm licensed to teach grades 6-12 but they hired me for 5th! Slightly mysterious.

Fifth grade... when the sixth graders come in in the fall, they're already so infantile that I don't know what to do with them... their noses run, their pencils fall on the floor... I have still less idea how I'll handle all these little baby fifth graders! When it occurred to me that I'll have to do things like Halloween parties and birthday cupcakes, my heart just sank.

On the plus side, I should still be taller than most of them, which is always helpful.

So... yes... hurtling toward destiny at an increasing speed...

I've done—and tomorrow am doing again—a session of EMDR, a type of semi-hypnosis that is supposed to help you get over your issues.... it seems to help a little. I just don't want to go back to the same old same old, self-sabotaging crap. I owe it to my future students and their families.... I owe it to me.

Huh. I remember going to confession in Japan and the priest shocked me by telling me I should pray for my future husband. I balked and he said, "oh, you may laugh, but believe me he's out there somewhere right now." I sputtered and wasn't able to answer... not because I was thinking of marrying a woman but because I intended at that time in my life to become a nun!

But, while a future husband is not in my cards, my future students really are out there somewhere, walking around, having their summers... They're real... they're out there... and they and I are on a collision course...

It's just a weird way to think of it...

On a more amusing note, Loopy came across some Star Trek fan fiction I wrote in elementary school! "I flipped through it and saw 'Mr. Spock' and I just thought, 'Ohhhhh no...'" she reports. We both find this hilarious.