sorry to leave you hanging....

i have been feeling vaguely guilty for blogging in complete despair and then vanishing for weeks & weeks, leaving you with only a bin laden tape and a kiddie poncho to keep you company. (well, who'm I kidding, with such long breaks in between writing, i'll be extra-super-duper lucky if i have any "you" left to address! :-) )

i wrote on Loopy's blog about our trip to Chicago, so I'll skip that here, except to say that it finished delightfully and we're now back in Madison.

meanwhile, after hitting the depths of despair in that last post on Nov. 4, I spent a few weeks getting myself together. I realized that I wasn't lonely, I was getting depressed. Getting depressed just feels lonely because I lose interest in other people and become obssessed with why other people aren't paying more attention to me, me, me and my problems. All that blah-blah-blah about social justice etc (well, those are my visions and commitments, but) is just rationalization for why I was sinking down, down....

Well, I'm determined NEVER EVER to go back down that road, so...

I went to five different kinds of shrink and an accupuncturist, and now 23 days later, I have two relaxation tapes that I listen to, a weird little tapping routine to reduce anxiety; I'm on a new anti-anxiety medication; I have a backup plan (and a backup backup plan) regarding all the thigns I have to do to become a teacher; and things have really turned around. I feel really happy and actually finish up each day at school thinking, "wow, that was fun; I can't wait to try it again tomorrow!" even though I'm still screwing up constantly.

So that's the update. Gotta run now, I'm keeping Loopy waiting, but just wanted to say that things are better.

xoxo
V