now there's even a state in Mexico that has civil unions! Dykes from Texas are going south of the border to get married!!
Check it out...
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
mom, are you reading this?
cuz I'm getting totally paranoid. if you are, just tell me. don't sneak around. it's creeping me out.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
more medical drama
so Mom has decided that what's wrong is her gall bladder, but some of the symptoms and tests indicate it could be cancer in her kidneys.
she says "why waste your energy worrying about something before you know?"
that's my mom for you--plan out what emotions to have, then have them, no muss no fuss.
meanwhile I'm convinced that (a) it's kidney cancer, and (b) she's going to have surgery for it between May 5 and 18th, which would be the third time that a family member's surgery has pre-empted my traveling to Iran.
of course, I'm much more sad and worried about my Mom's health than the trip. but damn, that would piss me off.
she says "why waste your energy worrying about something before you know?"
that's my mom for you--plan out what emotions to have, then have them, no muss no fuss.
meanwhile I'm convinced that (a) it's kidney cancer, and (b) she's going to have surgery for it between May 5 and 18th, which would be the third time that a family member's surgery has pre-empted my traveling to Iran.
of course, I'm much more sad and worried about my Mom's health than the trip. but damn, that would piss me off.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
mommy said a bad word!!!!
Poor thing, she hasn't been feeling well.
On my voicemail, in fact, she described her status as "crappy."
I was shocked.
But it does explain why the INSIDE of our basement door looks like the inside of an old-fashioned icebox in need of defrosting.
Clearly, Hell has frozen over.
On my voicemail, in fact, she described her status as "crappy."
I was shocked.
But it does explain why the INSIDE of our basement door looks like the inside of an old-fashioned icebox in need of defrosting.
Clearly, Hell has frozen over.
Monday, February 05, 2007
boiled potatoes
So I went to the meditation retreat and had a very interesting experience.
Basically, I had what one would be tempted to call "bad meditation" the whole time. I was exhausted and kept falling asleep, and my back hurt unless I sat with perfect posture.
I kept having weird little dreams with my eyes open, like, that the sweater of the person in front of me was changing colors, or that the person in front of me was scratching their leg or talking to a neighbor--then I'd wake up and they were sitting there motionless.
So I felt like it wasn't gonna be of any benefit to me.
On Sunday, toward the end, we got into smaller groups to talk about our experiences and a guy next to me said that he had read that "meditation when you're angry is like boiling a pot of potatoes..."
(What the fuck is he talking about?? I thought)
"...it seems like nothing's changing, but gradually, they get softer."
And suddenly I realized that that had EXACTLY been my experience.
Saturday night after a whole day of hours & hours of "bad meditation," I went home and was able to have a good cry, talk to Loopy, and feel that rage (see previous post) start to loosen and melt. It had seriously not occurred to me that this might have been possible because of my meditation all day, however "bad."
Pretty cool eh... the teachers have always said that there's no such thing as "bad meditation," that it is beneficial no matter whether it feels "good" or "bad" while you're doing it.
Huh.
Basically, I had what one would be tempted to call "bad meditation" the whole time. I was exhausted and kept falling asleep, and my back hurt unless I sat with perfect posture.
I kept having weird little dreams with my eyes open, like, that the sweater of the person in front of me was changing colors, or that the person in front of me was scratching their leg or talking to a neighbor--then I'd wake up and they were sitting there motionless.
So I felt like it wasn't gonna be of any benefit to me.
On Sunday, toward the end, we got into smaller groups to talk about our experiences and a guy next to me said that he had read that "meditation when you're angry is like boiling a pot of potatoes..."
(What the fuck is he talking about?? I thought)
"...it seems like nothing's changing, but gradually, they get softer."
And suddenly I realized that that had EXACTLY been my experience.
Saturday night after a whole day of hours & hours of "bad meditation," I went home and was able to have a good cry, talk to Loopy, and feel that rage (see previous post) start to loosen and melt. It had seriously not occurred to me that this might have been possible because of my meditation all day, however "bad."
Pretty cool eh... the teachers have always said that there's no such thing as "bad meditation," that it is beneficial no matter whether it feels "good" or "bad" while you're doing it.
Huh.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
funny Loopy in her sleep
Last night as we finally drove home after returning from our 12-day trip to PA, Loopy was asleep in the front seat and I was driving. (For years Loopy insisted on driving and I was always the one sleeping in the passenger's seat... it feels kind of nice to switch places... I identify with the protective Dad in the car commercials... it feels nice to drive carefully and gently for your beloved...)
Anyway. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a piece of paper fall out of the sun visor on the passenger's side--it fell onto Loopy's face, then slid down to the ground. Not realizing at that moment that she was asleep, I asked, "what was that?"
"What was what?" she said (asleep, but sounding awake).
Me: "The thing that fell on your head?"
Loopy: "Nothing fell on my head."
Me: "No, there was something, I think it was a piece of paper--something fell on your head."
Loopy (with conviction): "It was just a metaphor."
Me: "What? A metaphor fell on your head?"
Loopy (nodding emphatically, still in her sleep): "Yes."
Anyway. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a piece of paper fall out of the sun visor on the passenger's side--it fell onto Loopy's face, then slid down to the ground. Not realizing at that moment that she was asleep, I asked, "what was that?"
"What was what?" she said (asleep, but sounding awake).
Me: "The thing that fell on your head?"
Loopy: "Nothing fell on my head."
Me: "No, there was something, I think it was a piece of paper--something fell on your head."
Loopy (with conviction): "It was just a metaphor."
Me: "What? A metaphor fell on your head?"
Loopy (nodding emphatically, still in her sleep): "Yes."
Friday, February 02, 2007
fury & whining
Lately i've been enraged all the time for no apparent reason. I threw my cell phone across the car because a friend got confused about the time difference between eastern and central time.
Loopy is being very patient with me and I don't feel even the slightest bit annoyed with her... but I'm getting tired of it.
It has been suggested that I'm just sick of being in Hershey, PA, watching wounds drain through tubes for the last 12 days. Could be. Now we're in O'Hare and the whole mess with the planes is such a pain that I'm too exhausted and disgusted/disheartened to even feel like complaining about it.
We'll be home soon. If the above-mentioned theory is correct I will be filled with peace and light. I am skeptical.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I have a whole meditation retreat this weekend where I can go just sit with my enraged self for hours and hours.
Lucky me.
Loopy is being very patient with me and I don't feel even the slightest bit annoyed with her... but I'm getting tired of it.
It has been suggested that I'm just sick of being in Hershey, PA, watching wounds drain through tubes for the last 12 days. Could be. Now we're in O'Hare and the whole mess with the planes is such a pain that I'm too exhausted and disgusted/disheartened to even feel like complaining about it.
We'll be home soon. If the above-mentioned theory is correct I will be filled with peace and light. I am skeptical.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I have a whole meditation retreat this weekend where I can go just sit with my enraged self for hours and hours.
Lucky me.
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