Loopy-Loopy dialogue!

Yes, folks, I know it's been way too long since my last Loopy-Loopy dialogue... or since I wrote anything except long boring things. Sorry!

Me: I can't believe you're going to a music festival. It's so hot* out there, I wouldn't go see—name my favorite band!—I don't care who it is, I wouldn't go out there to see them.

Loopy: U2.

Me: Nope.

Loopy: Bonnie Raitt.

Me: Nope. I wouldn't go out for... for...

Loopy: Stevie Ray Vaughn back from the dead!

Me: Nope... Amy Ray. Amy Ray's the only one I'd stand out in this heat to hear. If Stevie Ray came back from the dead I'd watch it on TV.

Loopy: (laughing and shaking her head)

Me: (...pause...) OK, OK, I'd go hear Stevie Ray back from the dead!

Loopy: You KNOW you would!

Me: I would. (shaking head) But what are you going to hear?

Loopy: Tapes n tapes, baby, Tapes n tapes! [yes, this is the name of a band—some obscure indie band of course!]

Me: Yeah. You're insane.

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*Yeah, Tucson folks, I know, it's only 90, but if you could feel how utterly oppressively heavy the air is, you wouldn't scoff, Mr/Ms Yesterday-It-Was-110-And-I-Barely-Flinched. :-P

Loopy-Loopy dialogue: in which we become those two old guys from the muppet show

conversation, yesterday morning in bed:

me: What does "QT" stand for?
Loopy: huh?
me: You know, like "on the QT."
Loopy: What does that mean?
me: Like, hush-hush, a secret.
Loopy: You mean, "on the DL."
me: No, I know that one, but before there was DL there was QT.
Loopy: Well what does QT stand for?
me: That's what I'm asking you!

(fadeout amid laughter and tussling :) )

Loopy-Loopy card

Found: an old birthday card I gave Loopy some years ago.

Picture on the front: Olivia Newton-John & John Travolta at the end of Grease where ONJ is all made up and hot looking.

Words on front: "We go together like ramma lamma lamma ding gading ga dong"

What I wrote inside:

Happy birthday baby
You'll always be ultra-cool
(unless you become a scientologist)
but no matter what I'll always love you
and pay for your deprogramming
xoxox me

P.S. sorry ... I used up all the mush on my blog

Loopy Loopy dialogue... (or, You know you've been married 14 years when...)

Me: So, I figured out why the dishwasher wasn't working.

Loopy: Oh?

Me: (Some explanation, concluding with...) So, the water only comes out of the hot tap, so when, uh, you know, the thing, then there's not enough, you know, thing for the thing, and the thing doesn't turn.

Loopy: Oh, that makes sense.

(It does?)

funny Loopy in her sleep

Last night as we finally drove home after returning from our 12-day trip to PA, Loopy was asleep in the front seat and I was driving. (For years Loopy insisted on driving and I was always the one sleeping in the passenger's seat... it feels kind of nice to switch places... I identify with the protective Dad in the car commercials... it feels nice to drive carefully and gently for your beloved...)

Anyway. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a piece of paper fall out of the sun visor on the passenger's side--it fell onto Loopy's face, then slid down to the ground. Not realizing at that moment that she was asleep, I asked, "what was that?"

"What was what?" she said (asleep, but sounding awake).

Me: "The thing that fell on your head?"

Loopy: "Nothing fell on my head."

Me: "No, there was something, I think it was a piece of paper--something fell on your head."

Loopy (with conviction): "It was just a metaphor."

Me: "What? A metaphor fell on your head?"

Loopy (nodding emphatically, still in her sleep): "Yes."

Loopy-Loopy dialogue: a double feature*

Scene: I enter the bedroom, where Loopy is snoring with the TV remote in her hand.

Me (kissing her): You're sleeping, my darling, and you don't have your [sleep apnea CPAP machine] mask on.

Loopy: Sign in.

Me: Huh?

Loopy (louder and more distinctly): You have to sign in.

Me: To what?

Loopy: To the menu.

Me (finally getting that she's talking in her sleep): .... Why?

Loopy: So you can power it up. (She turns over with finality and burrows into the pillows, but obediently puts the CPAP mask on, still asleep).

(I can't wait til morning to see if she has any idea what that was about!)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Scene: earlier, at the gym. Joni Mitchell's "Clouds" is playing on the annoying piped-in music track.

Loopy: Ohhhhhh.... you know, I first heard this song when I was seven, and I thought that it was all about clowns.

Me (laughing): She's looked at clowns from both sides now? The round red nose side and the curly wig side?

Loopy: Yeah.

Me: And she really doesn't know clowns at all?

Loopy: Well, it made sense to me at the time--you don't really know clowns, because they wear makeup!

Me: And you just figured this out.

Loopy: Yes.

Me: Sweetie, you have this on CD.

Loopy (laughing): I know!

Me: That takes the cake. OK, you never again get to make fun of me for [thinking that OutKast's "Hey Ya" contains the line] "shake it like a corduroy preacher" or [thinking that the Indigo Girls' "Love Will Come to You" contains the line] "offer up a crystal bottle of glue."

Loopy (witheringly): I was seven. You're thirty-five.

---

*Whatever happened to the double feature? The last one I saw was Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan with Little Orphan Annie. Seriously.

Loopy-Loopy dialogue with special guest star

At the gym, as we were getting dressed (Loopy has permission to swim at last, yay!), a period of silence was broken when Loopy spoke...

Loopy: Be realistic!

Me: ... (confused pause) ... What?

Loopy: My walker keeps rolling away from me.

Me: ... (confused pause)... So... who were you talking to?

Loopy: My walker!

Me: ... (pause, light beginning to dawn) ... and what... ?

Loopy: It should be more realistic! It knows I can't walk that far to get it!

Loopy/extra-Loopy dialogue

Me: Lovey, wake up, it's time for your pills.

Loopy: Mmmmph.

Me: Lovey, wake up.

(pause)

Me: Wake up.

(pause)

Me: Lovey, wake up.

Loopy: Mmmmmmmrrrgggph.

Me: Are you awake? I don't wanna put the pills in your hand if you're not awake... there's a lot of them...

Loopy: (faintly) I'm.... awake...

(I put the pills in her hand)

Loopy: (faintly) I need.... water....

Me: I've got some ginger ale here... it's diet so it won't rot your teeth.*

Loopy: (takes a sip) (splutters) (really awake now) It's flat!

Me: It's just what I found in the living room, I'm sorry.

Loopy: In the ELEVATOR?

Me: (laughing) No, goofy, in the living room. (laughing) Yeah, I just found this in the elevator, so I thought I'd make you drink it.

Loopy: (laughing sleepily)

(pause)

Loopy: Now what?

Me: Now you take your pills!

Loopy: Where are they?

Me: In your hand, silly!

Loopy: Oh! (laughs, takes pills)

Me: This is going on the blog for sure!

Loopy-Loopy dialogue

Me (calling from our house): Hey Lovey, where's your ... [boring logistical discussion follows]

Me: So it's really nice to be home. I really miss it. Do you think we could maybe think about moving home soon?

Loopy: OK.

Me: I know you're scared, but maybe you're being affected by your memories of all the months when you were in so much pain and you were all alone so much of the time. It will be different now.

Loopy: Yeah, maybe.

Me: So, you know, I don't want to push you or anything, so if you're not ready that's okay, but maybe next time I come out here you could come with me, just see how it goes?

Loopy: Uh huh.

Me: You could try the stairs, and maybe it'll be like, "Whoa, this is impossible, not yet, no way," but maybe it'll be like, "Wow, this is nothing, I don't know what I was worried about."

Loopy: OK, yeah.

(pause)

Me: It's just really nice to be home.

(pause)

Me: Hello? Are you there?

Loopy: I'm sorry, I'm just trying to watch this really important show about how to make chocolate-dipped pretzels.

changing frames of reference

1.

When I first moved here—I think I've blogged about before but—when I first moved here from the fashion capital of the universe, I was horrified to think, "Oh my god, in a couple years I'm going to get fat and start wearing tennis shoes all the time! I'll probably even use drugstore shampoo! And worst of all—I won't care!!!"

Needless to say, all those things happened...and indeed, not only do I not care, but I'm horrified at the shallow and silly creature I was back then. Hee hee.

---

2.

In February of 2001, the first birthday I spent in the Midwest, I wrote in an email, "We're going to Milwaukee for my birthday and I'm so excited!!!" After some reflection, I added, "Well now, that is definitely a sentence I never thought I'd utter in my entire life." Milwaukee continues to seem like a fun and happening place (great Mexican food for one thing!), and New York is sort of receding into the mists of myth and legend....

---

3.

"Oh, wow, this is SO COOL!!!!!!!" Loopy announced a few minutes ago.

"What?"

"The drink holder on my walker also snaps onto my wheelchair!"

"Wow! That is cool! Yay!"

---

In other words, we've adapted... it mostly seems normal, the walker, the wheelchair, etc. Loopy sleeping all the time seems temporary; the other stuff, who knows. It's all good.

Another change: Loopy was interested to see how people would treat her out in the world in her wheelchair, with her walker, etc.

When she was 100 pounds heavier, people looked past her or through her, as though embarrassed for her, unwilling to see her or acknowledge her existence. But in recent months, that had started to change. But, she had just started to get used to being visible when she became disabled. She was wondering how that would affect things.

My observation is that people are incredibly, incredibly nice. It's really quite amazing. It's sort of like the opposite of being invisible. Maybe I'll get tired of it after a while but so far, it's remarkably pleasant... like we've somehow shifted to an alternate universe of sweetness and light, where people say "excuse me" if they pass within four feet of you, and if you say, "oh, sorry," they say, "oh no no no, you're fine, you're fine!" And everyone gives you sweet, sweet smiles.

---

Tonight we are taking a break from the hard work of being a sick person and a caregiver, respectively, and watching an old favorite movie of ours, High Fidelity. We tried to make popcorn but we set the microwave on fire. Oh well.

Loopy-Loopy dialogue #74,438

I googled "intradural extramedullary" (see below) and it called it a "mass" rather than a tumor.

Me: Loopy, it's not a tumor, it's a mass.

Loopy: A mass? A mass of what?

Me (thinking of an episode of Blackadder* that I watched with Nadine a million years ago): Maybe it's an oppressed mass.

Loopy: I have The People in my back.

Stay tuned for more humor that's only funny to us!

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*transcript for your edification:

Edmund (to Prince George): ...Next week is your royal father's birthday celebrations. I suggest that I write a brilliant speech for you to recite to show the oppressed masses how unusually sensitive you are.

Prince George: Well, tell me about these "oppressed masses", what are they so worked up about?

Edmund: They're worked up, sir, because they're so poor, they're forced to have children simply to provide a cheap alternative to turkey at Christmas. Disease and depravation stalk our land like.. two giant.. stalking things. And the working man is poised to overthrow us.

(Baldrick enters carrying a mop.)

Prince George: Oh my God, and here he is!

Edmund: Don't be silly, sir. That's Baldrick, my dogsbody.

Prince George: What's silly about that? He looks like an oppressed mass to me. Get him out of here at once!

Loopy-Loopy dialogue #18,435

Loopy: What are we gonna do about that birch tree that fell over into the backyard?

Me: Why don't we just leave it there?

Loopy: Ok. Hillbilly landscaping.

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Bonus: Loopy-Mommy dialogue

Mom (in hospital, under the influence of morphine and percoset): Mmmmmrrgmph.

Me: What?

Mom: Oh....I'm sorry, I forgot what I was going to say.

Me: That's cuz you're asleep! Go to sleep! Jesus!

assorted dialogues

10:07 pm

Guy: Good evening, Associated Alarm Company, can I help you?

Me: Yes, I have a false alarm? But I can't seem to turn it off.

Guy: Mgfghfbgbgfgh? (I can't hear him over the wailing alarm plus all three dogs barking like crazy right next to me)

Me: I'm sorry, what?

Guy: (Again I can't hear him)

Me: Excuse me a second--(to dogs) SHUT UP!!!! (no effect) I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

(etc. etc.)

10:18 pm

Me: Loooooooooopyyyyyyyyyyyyy, I'm in hell.... the alarm went off and I can't turn it off and the dogs are barking and barking.... okay.... well.... call me later (click)

10:22 pm

Me: Hi Loopy, everything's okay now, I went up and turned it off in the bedroom, don't know why I didn't think of that sooner. Okay, well, call me tomorrow, love you... (click)

10:27 pm

Another guy: Hi, this is Dave from Associated Alarm?

Me: Oh, god, I'm so sorry I paged you so many times.

Dave: Yeah.

Me: I'm really sorry, the alarm was going off and I couldn't turn it off, but I finally fixed it.

Dave: Sweet. Ehhhhhhxcellent. (very relieved that he doesn't have to go out on a service call on a cold night)

Me: I'm sorry, it was going off for like fifteen minutes and I was just, like, totally freaking out.

Dave: Yes. So I see.

Me: Yeah, uh, sorry. Okay, well, thanks anyway.

Dave: Okay.

Loopy-Loopy dialogue from Monday

Me (calling from another room where I'm getting dressed): Guess what I'm wearing TODAY?

Loopy: That hideous sweater.

Me: That's right!!!!

(...pause...)

Me: I think it looks especially cute with the hoodie on, don't you?

Loopy: Aaagh! Go away!

Me: Mwah-hah-hah! (evil laugh)

I think the truth is that Loopy fears my sweater. I think that's it.

Maybe my sweater has special powers.

Maybe those "anti-depressants" I've been taking are mislabeled.

loopy-loopy dialogue #3,487

Me (drunkenly*): I love you too much, you know that?

Loopy: No. I don't think so.

Me: What??

Loopy: I don't think you love me enough.

Me (genuinely hurt/worried): Why not???

Loopy: Because if you did....I'd have a pony, and a bunny, and some ice cream...right now!

...
(pause)
...

Me: How 'bout something from the vending machine by reception?

---

*What can I say? The pitcher of sangria was a much better value than the glass.

"hey Lovey..."

Me: "Did you see my loving tribute to my lovely wife on my blog?"

Loopy: "Crud."

Me: "Well, that was the title, but did you see where I talked about how nice you were to me yesterday?"

Loopy: "It said 'crud.'"

Me: *sigh*

---

In other news of my lovely wife being wonderful beyond words, aforementioned wife won 10 balls of Dale Heilo yarn at our favorite yarn shop, The Sow's Ear. We went there tonight to pick it up. It's this color:

color #4137


which is just gorgeous!
So we bought this pattern (right) and Loopy will knit it for me after Christmas!!!!! For a second color we're trying to decide between black and gray... I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and yes, I'm feeling much better today--I called my doctor & she told me to come in & she put some painful drops on the canker sore & then it was totally painless!

Ok Ok back to what I'm supposed to be doing.

Loopy-Loopy dialogue #45823

Loopy: "I'm going upstairs to knit."

Me: "I'm coming too—I'm just getting some ice cream. Oh, wait, I have to change the laundry...well, I'll be up in a little bit."

(various clatterings and shufflings as we pursue these separate activities....I hear Loopy over by the laundry machines...)

Me: "Oh, are you changing the laundry? That's so sweet of you!"

Loopy: (gleeful & mischievous) "No! I'm adding more laundry!"

Me: "Hey!"

Loopy: (even gleefuler & mischievouser) "And now I'm running away! Ha! Ha! Ha!" (sound of feet rapidly pitter-pattering upstairs)

You see? You see what I have to put up with?

Who can be mad at someone so adorable?

Hmph.

Why Loopy is perfect

Loopy thinks she's being unbearable lately but actually she's really been quite adorable, in a sort of insane panicky way.

Example #1: On Friday she stormed out of her study and announced that I was driving her crazy--that she knew I was putzing fruitlessly on my computer, hour after hour, day after day, and she just couldn't stand to see me making myself miserable and sabotaging myself. She was going to go study in her office at school from now on (an empty threat; studying in the middle of the sidewalk at Broadway & 84th would be less distracting) or maybe I could go take a trip or something, just go away for a couple days, because maybe that would get me out of my rut and anyway she just couldn't stand it.

The next day was Juneteenth as I mentioned previously. I left the house around 12:30. At 5:30 she calls me and says in this voice that is so adorable and plaintive that I could just eat it up with a spoon, "Now I miss you, I'm sorry I said all that, are you coming home soon???"

Example #2: I just went in and told her about my previous blog post. She nodded approvingly (while knitting away furiously at that circular object, eventually a shawl but at the moment much more like a lacy kippa/yarmulke), and said, "You just need to embrace the real you."

"What, selfish, lazy and annoying?" I said, half-joking, half-ready-to-pout.

She shrugged. "That's everyone."*

That was the nicest thing anyone ever said to me.

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*Note: you, dear reader, are of course the exception; once again, the reference is to everyone else. Except Loopy, who is perfect. QED.

post-party dialogue

"Jeez, honey, what'd you have to drink?"

"Uh...two shots of slivovitz and a mug of vodka."

"A MUG?"

"She was out of glasses."

"Jesus christ. Just get in the car."