hey, i thought dorotha was coming today but it looks like she got here yesterday. i don't know if she reads my blog or not, but
are we having dinner or going to target or something?
i will go to the not-yarn-store with you, I don't knit either. ;-)
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
last day of school
I'm off to Shabazz to celebrate the last day of school by taking "my girls" out to lunch. I have no idea how a teacher is supposed to bid farewell to students. I have only the vaguest memories of my own experiences on the other end. I love these kids and wish I could stay in touch somehow, like a Big Sister or aunt, but of course that's not what's done, or is it? I have no idea! I feel weird about it all. I just have invested so much time and thought and energy in them, it's hard to just have them vanish--is that wrong? Am I somehow using them to make myself feel like a good person? er, that is, like a GOOD PERSON? Plus some of them seem so needy, like they really want something from me, but I don't know what it is. I want to reassure them that I care about them, but I guess I probably can't provide whatever it is they want, so I shouldn't try. Babbling about how great they are and my high hopes for their future won't provide that reassurance or whatever they need---or will it? I feel like I should and/or shouldn't do something MEANINGFUL to send them off into the next phase of their life, but I don' tknow what that thing (the meaningful thing) would be, that would not be weird or embarrassing. I guess I will conclude that I should jsut keep it all low key. *sigh* I shouldn't have planned this day, I'm late, as usual when I have ambivalent feelings about something. Yesterday I babbled (as above) at two students and tried to organize two more into a summer math tutoring thing. Am I crazy? They're little sponges, they just need so much, and I can't fix it.
This is that "boundaries" thing, isn't it. I need to get me some of those!
This is that "boundaries" thing, isn't it. I need to get me some of those!
Monday, June 07, 2004
aaak! drive a stake through its heart this time!
Just when I thought I was safe, I found myself spending another afternoon.... yes, you guessed it, editing Loopy's thesis! It was accepted so Loopy is a Master (yay yay yay!) but it still had some grammar issues. Now it's bound for binding (ha ha) in the library and we are bound for Laotian food, maybe even Target! Yay!
Sunday, June 06, 2004
SomethingFest & Cuban doctors
RadFest (which sometimes gets called "LibFest" in moments of annoyance) was okay. Not as good as last year, but the socializing is always fun. Betsy and Donna and I stayed up til two in the morning last night drinking and talking about Cuba (well, mostly they talked and I listened). Many of the stories involved Cuban doctors. For example: Donna was in Nicaragua (where she lived for many years) when a big hurricane hit, and Cuban and American doctors came to help in the aftermath; the American doctors were shocked that the Cuban doctors had never before seen malnutrition. Well, case closed as far as I'm concerned, sorry about the fucking soap. Although this sounds like a dreary conversation, it wasn't, and somehow there was lots of hysterical laughing.
I think my panel went well, so I was happy. Some very cool people complimented me on it so, I guess I already said this but, I was happy.
Well, gotta go to bed so I don't leave lovey all by herself! Damn it's hot all of a sudden!
I think my panel went well, so I was happy. Some very cool people complimented me on it so, I guess I already said this but, I was happy.
Well, gotta go to bed so I don't leave lovey all by herself! Damn it's hot all of a sudden!
Friday, June 04, 2004
i should have left an hour ago...
...and I haven't started packing. So what else is new?
I just wanted to post briefly (so I wouldn't have so much catching up to do) and say I decided to go with "Birdie," who is a very experienced, competent teacher who knows how to do lots of stuff I want to learn how to do (creaete classroom community, push for high achievement, help students develop academic and intellectual skills). She's not too great on the equity front, I don't think (why am I always helping Black girls with math, within fifteen minutes of entering any school building? And why does it always seem that I'm the first person in their life that has tried to do so?), but I have learned a lot about that elsewhere and can continue to self-educate. Maybe I'll even help her in that department, but I'll have to play it by ear. Anyway there's a lot I have NOT learned elsewhere that I need someone like her to teach me, so I'm really glad I've found her, and I feel really lucky--again!
At first I was perturbed that she is the type of person who doesn't like my type of person (as I've been saying to friends, she's very "no-nonsense" and I tend to generate a relatively high degree of nonsense) but I have gotten over that. I decided (a) not to worry about it, because the more I panic the more nonsensical I get, and (b) just to rise to the occasion. this is my chance to just STOP being so flaky and "crazy," because I think that not only will she not put up with it, she just won't get it, and there's an aspect to my craziness (like every craziness) that requires others to "play along" in my little dramas. So i'm hoping this will be the inspiration I need to be my best self, instead of hiding behind all the neuroses and fluttering that hold me back.
I'm off to Radfest (so sweet of loopy to say she'll miss me! I'll miss her too but I think a couple days to clear our heads at the end of this hectic semester (if I can manage to follow through on my intention to hang out by the lake and read and think a bit) might be useful for both of us--not that it had to be separately but it will be useful anyway). I have to present tomorrow morning on "Brown v Board, 50 years later, how much the schools in this town suck for students of color". What fun (not). But I'll be glad to share some of this info that I've been bursting full of ever since I've learned it.
I just wanted to post briefly (so I wouldn't have so much catching up to do) and say I decided to go with "Birdie," who is a very experienced, competent teacher who knows how to do lots of stuff I want to learn how to do (creaete classroom community, push for high achievement, help students develop academic and intellectual skills). She's not too great on the equity front, I don't think (why am I always helping Black girls with math, within fifteen minutes of entering any school building? And why does it always seem that I'm the first person in their life that has tried to do so?), but I have learned a lot about that elsewhere and can continue to self-educate. Maybe I'll even help her in that department, but I'll have to play it by ear. Anyway there's a lot I have NOT learned elsewhere that I need someone like her to teach me, so I'm really glad I've found her, and I feel really lucky--again!
At first I was perturbed that she is the type of person who doesn't like my type of person (as I've been saying to friends, she's very "no-nonsense" and I tend to generate a relatively high degree of nonsense) but I have gotten over that. I decided (a) not to worry about it, because the more I panic the more nonsensical I get, and (b) just to rise to the occasion. this is my chance to just STOP being so flaky and "crazy," because I think that not only will she not put up with it, she just won't get it, and there's an aspect to my craziness (like every craziness) that requires others to "play along" in my little dramas. So i'm hoping this will be the inspiration I need to be my best self, instead of hiding behind all the neuroses and fluttering that hold me back.
I'm off to Radfest (so sweet of loopy to say she'll miss me! I'll miss her too but I think a couple days to clear our heads at the end of this hectic semester (if I can manage to follow through on my intention to hang out by the lake and read and think a bit) might be useful for both of us--not that it had to be separately but it will be useful anyway). I have to present tomorrow morning on "Brown v Board, 50 years later, how much the schools in this town suck for students of color". What fun (not). But I'll be glad to share some of this info that I've been bursting full of ever since I've learned it.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
wallie down, birdie to go
well... wallie was very laid back, which is nice, and works in a team, which is very nice -- good for me and my procrastination habits. her politics match mine, re education and re the world. so, overall fine--if i end up there i will not be upset. it will probably be a lot easier than last year, and she's very easy going, so it should be less stress. but, only 2 drawbacks... like most teachers (i begin to think), she doesn't actually teach much, as far as i can tell. students lacked simple skills and didn't take their work seriously. but as i said i start to think that this is near-universal. if birdie is the same way i may well go with wallie. oh, the other drawback--not very authoritative. i need to learn to be strong if i'm going to push push push kids to succeed, which as we all know is my goal. hm.
i miss camilly! i'm sad that she's gone (possibly only temporarily) but at the same time i feel relieved and even liberated. is it wrong to cut yourself loose from a drowning person? --perhaps neither right nor wrong, just necessary for survival.
gotta sleep if i'm going to be in birdie's classroom at 7:30!!
i miss camilly! i'm sad that she's gone (possibly only temporarily) but at the same time i feel relieved and even liberated. is it wrong to cut yourself loose from a drowning person? --perhaps neither right nor wrong, just necessary for survival.
gotta sleep if i'm going to be in birdie's classroom at 7:30!!
wallie
Well, off to observe in "Wallie"'s classroom! I'm a bit nervous, but only a little, since I have two options that both look reasonably good, and I'm determined to make the best of it either way. Hopefully this semester will be less stressful.
Yesterday we went shopping and blew an enormous amount of money, some of it on very useful things, some of it on beer and candy. It's the American way.
In The Poisonwood Bible which I am re-reading while walking, this morning it said something about it being "the American way" to "demand perfection and revile the missed mark." I am trying not to demand perfection of myself, and to look at teaching as something I decided to do to make my life interesting and meaningful--instead of looking at it as a way to redeem my sinful soul by saving unfortunate children--since the latter perspective appears to guarantee misery all around. Good luck to me!
Yesterday we went shopping and blew an enormous amount of money, some of it on very useful things, some of it on beer and candy. It's the American way.
In The Poisonwood Bible which I am re-reading while walking, this morning it said something about it being "the American way" to "demand perfection and revile the missed mark." I am trying not to demand perfection of myself, and to look at teaching as something I decided to do to make my life interesting and meaningful--instead of looking at it as a way to redeem my sinful soul by saving unfortunate children--since the latter perspective appears to guarantee misery all around. Good luck to me!
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