a friend asked recently what to tell her daughters, who are tormented (or at least torment their mother) with their worry that they will never find true love.
I later thought about what my Mom used to say, which was, "stop obsessing about it and get on with your life, and it'll work out when you least expect it." (Isn't that in the "Mom" script that they hand out to all of you in the delivery room? ;-) )
But really, I think it's true you find it when you're not looking--that's definitely how it worked for me ("I'm only in town for a year and I'm just getting over a bad breakup; I don't really want to be involved with anyone right now" I told Rebekah at some early stage of our interaction. Yeah, right.).
Maybe this is because people want what they can't have, but according to Mom (and my own life tends to provide supporting evidence), it could also be because seeking "true love," in itself, tends to be a whiny, self-absorbed activity that leaves one without anything interesting to say to "true love" when s/he does show up. (I mean, who would want to spend five minutes with any of those "sex in the city" chicks, anyway? or Grace from "Will and Grace," or the entire cast of "Waiting to Exhale"--or any number of the other tedious pop culture female role models whose entire inner life revolves around the "search for true love").
I know it's such trite, boring advice, but maybe the daughters need a hobby, or better yet an all-consuming passion, for something, anything outside themselves? (I don't know them at all, so maybe they're already all hobbied up, but I'll just follow this train of thought anyway....) To paraphrase my Mom, it's not only an opportunity to meet someone interesting but an opportunity to BE someone interesting. When I think about it, Rebekah and I met while volunteering; my one cousin met his wife while doing telemark skiing (some special kind of sporty skiing that I never heard of until their wedding); my other cousin met his wife while doing church activities; several friends I know met their spouses while doing political work; another friend met her husband when they were both volunteer EMTs; etc etc etc.
Come to think of it, why doesn't this ever happen on TV? I'm not the biggest TV watcher, but Sybil on "Moonlighting" is the last female character I can remember who met someone she loved while doing something she loved. Hey, what happened to Sybil and Murphy Brown and all those cool feminist heroines, anyway? If this is a real change, I'm sure I'm not the first person to notice this (maybe the gender theory folks can fill me in), but this is the first time I've thought about it. I can't think of any female TV characters who do anything seriously--what they do do, they seem to do as a sort of side show to their main focal point, which is their man or lack thereof. Well, I don't watch all the shows about cops and lawyers, so maybe there are some women on there who do things they really love, other than obsess about men?
Well, my one and only feminist heroine has just threatened to make me sleep in the other room if I don't come to bed, so that's all for now.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
maybe i can do this after all
for those who didn't hear this story last night I just wanted to post about last Wednesday. Birdie (the teacher I work with as a student teacher) wasn't there and I basically did the whole day's schedule on my own. And everything went *great*!!!! Even though it was the last day before a four-day weekend, I kept everything on track. I told the students what I expected and they followed through! It was great.
I was so happy to find that I really have gotten stronger in some of my weakest areas from my last student teaching. For example, students used to be able to throw me off-track very easily by yelling out irrelevant but interesting questions. I didn't want to be "rude" by failing to answer the question, plus I didn't want to squash some nascent academic curiosity (they were soooo onto me!!!), so we would soon be wandering off into la-la land. But on Wednesday they caught wind of the fact that we would be watching a movie later and were all yelling questions about the movie. I just said, "I will answer math questions now, I will answer movie questions later," and went on with the lesson, and they accepted that with hardly a grumble. Just like the books say to do!!! Keeping it positive, etc. etc. It was great!
For a long time I have really been doubting myself, and I've been worried that I was going to get really depressed about it (after all, if I can't even do right what I've always wanted to do, what's the point of doing anything?)(I know, I know, that's too extreme, but that's what it feels like sometimes).
As icing on the cake, the sub, who had taught for 26 years and was apparently much beloved at the school (other teachers kept coming by to greet her and catch up), and who really had a way with the kids, was very complimentary, said that I had a good rapport with the students and that I did a good job, handled everything beautifully etc. It was great to get some positive reinforcement. Not just some, but a lot, and with great warmth and compassion. She had a lot of great ideas and suggestions too. I was so happy. This is what I really want to do--and I can really do it.
Still have to keep in mind that this doesn't mean it will always be perfect. tomorrow for example I fear I am going to choke again as in days of yore. I get so panicky about lesson plans and my head just seems to explode, I'm going every which way, and this is a lesson plan that I've had ready since June!!! But suddenly I'm second-guessing myself and thinking of fifty million other things to do to it. "Why am I doing this, this doesn't make sense, they will hate it, they will be confused and for no good reason, there is no point to this, what am I thinking, maybe I can bring in slave narratives or Hmong embroidery--" (no, it doesn't make any more sense if you know more about the original plan), "maybe I should just start with a note-taking exercise using this three-minute clip off of CNN about the presidential election...."
Keep it simple, stay focused on the goal, and just go through with it. I can do this. if not tomorrow, then, someday soon.
I was so happy to find that I really have gotten stronger in some of my weakest areas from my last student teaching. For example, students used to be able to throw me off-track very easily by yelling out irrelevant but interesting questions. I didn't want to be "rude" by failing to answer the question, plus I didn't want to squash some nascent academic curiosity (they were soooo onto me!!!), so we would soon be wandering off into la-la land. But on Wednesday they caught wind of the fact that we would be watching a movie later and were all yelling questions about the movie. I just said, "I will answer math questions now, I will answer movie questions later," and went on with the lesson, and they accepted that with hardly a grumble. Just like the books say to do!!! Keeping it positive, etc. etc. It was great!
For a long time I have really been doubting myself, and I've been worried that I was going to get really depressed about it (after all, if I can't even do right what I've always wanted to do, what's the point of doing anything?)(I know, I know, that's too extreme, but that's what it feels like sometimes).
As icing on the cake, the sub, who had taught for 26 years and was apparently much beloved at the school (other teachers kept coming by to greet her and catch up), and who really had a way with the kids, was very complimentary, said that I had a good rapport with the students and that I did a good job, handled everything beautifully etc. It was great to get some positive reinforcement. Not just some, but a lot, and with great warmth and compassion. She had a lot of great ideas and suggestions too. I was so happy. This is what I really want to do--and I can really do it.
Still have to keep in mind that this doesn't mean it will always be perfect. tomorrow for example I fear I am going to choke again as in days of yore. I get so panicky about lesson plans and my head just seems to explode, I'm going every which way, and this is a lesson plan that I've had ready since June!!! But suddenly I'm second-guessing myself and thinking of fifty million other things to do to it. "Why am I doing this, this doesn't make sense, they will hate it, they will be confused and for no good reason, there is no point to this, what am I thinking, maybe I can bring in slave narratives or Hmong embroidery--" (no, it doesn't make any more sense if you know more about the original plan), "maybe I should just start with a note-taking exercise using this three-minute clip off of CNN about the presidential election...."
Keep it simple, stay focused on the goal, and just go through with it. I can do this. if not tomorrow, then, someday soon.
Monday, October 25, 2004
alternative news sources on Iraq
I don't have time to blog lately, but here's a post I wrote on a discussion I had to do for homework. Then I thought I'd share it with the rest of y'all.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
A couple people (possibly including myself) have commented that we don't really know what's going on in Iraq.
Actually there are many alternative sources of information. (The fact that I know about them, and yet rarely read them, I guess just reveals my laziness). They have their own bias/point of view, but who doesn't?
Here are a few (a "blog" is a sort of online diary, check them out):
http://www.empirenotes.org/
Blog of Rahul Mahajan, one of the smartest people I've ever met, author of a couple of books about the US role in the post 9/11 world; he has been to Iraq several times and has enough contacts there to keep his finger on the pulse, so to speak. I would trust his "read" on the situation over just about any other.
http://dear_raed.blogspot.com/
This blog is written by an Iraqi person who has published a book and now apparently does stuff for the BBC. He publishes photos, reports, opinions etc. (Here's an excerpt, just to entice you to visit this site:
"The first time I got an email from an American soldier in Iraq I wasn’t sure how to react. These days I read a couple of US soldier blogs and a couple even send me emails every now and then. I was answering one of them from [Mr. Somewhere-in-the-north-of-Iraq] when I decided later to post it on the blog. So here it is. And on a more personal note; No [Mr. Somewhere-in-the-north-of-Iraq], it doesn’t bother me that you are 'one of the American occupiers?' because I don’t think of you as an Occupier, I know you would much rather be home and you are stuck here because someone said this is where you should be."
There are also a lot of links on this site to other sources of information.
http://www.occupationwatch.org/
Occupation Watch is a pretty comprehensive news source, although it has a strong & obvious point of view. It's run by a coalition of groups but mostly the brainchild of Medea Benjamin of Global Exchange, whose sincerity (if not necessarily brilliance) is unquestionable. Sign up for their weekly update to stay on top of things--it's very useful.
You can forget Poland, but don't forget the BBC...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/middle_east/2002/conflict_with_iraq/default.stm
Always better coverage than CNN; as far as I can tell, this is due in part to the BBC reporters' willingness to get out of the friggin' tank once in a while and actually take a couple photos, maybe even talk to someone on the ground.
There's always Al-Jazeera in English, at
http://english.aljazeera.net/HomePage
(god, those pictures!)
Here are two sites that have not been updated in a while, but both are written by people I can vouch for, about their travels in the region:
http://www.devo.com/mideastlog/
Ben Granby, a hometwon boy from our very own Madison (note that he uses the European date notation, day-month-year, so that 05.02.04 is February 5 not May 2).
http://www.iraqjournal.org/
Blog of Jeremy Scahill, correspondant for Democracy Now! It only goes up to April 7, 2003, but has lots of great info up to then. Much of it was written from Iraq.
---------------
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
A couple people (possibly including myself) have commented that we don't really know what's going on in Iraq.
Actually there are many alternative sources of information. (The fact that I know about them, and yet rarely read them, I guess just reveals my laziness). They have their own bias/point of view, but who doesn't?
Here are a few (a "blog" is a sort of online diary, check them out):
http://www.empirenotes.org/
Blog of Rahul Mahajan, one of the smartest people I've ever met, author of a couple of books about the US role in the post 9/11 world; he has been to Iraq several times and has enough contacts there to keep his finger on the pulse, so to speak. I would trust his "read" on the situation over just about any other.
http://dear_raed.blogspot.com/
This blog is written by an Iraqi person who has published a book and now apparently does stuff for the BBC. He publishes photos, reports, opinions etc. (Here's an excerpt, just to entice you to visit this site:
"The first time I got an email from an American soldier in Iraq I wasn’t sure how to react. These days I read a couple of US soldier blogs and a couple even send me emails every now and then. I was answering one of them from [Mr. Somewhere-in-the-north-of-Iraq] when I decided later to post it on the blog. So here it is. And on a more personal note; No [Mr. Somewhere-in-the-north-of-Iraq], it doesn’t bother me that you are 'one of the American occupiers?' because I don’t think of you as an Occupier, I know you would much rather be home and you are stuck here because someone said this is where you should be."
There are also a lot of links on this site to other sources of information.
http://www.occupationwatch.org/
Occupation Watch is a pretty comprehensive news source, although it has a strong & obvious point of view. It's run by a coalition of groups but mostly the brainchild of Medea Benjamin of Global Exchange, whose sincerity (if not necessarily brilliance) is unquestionable. Sign up for their weekly update to stay on top of things--it's very useful.
You can forget Poland, but don't forget the BBC...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/middle_east/2002/conflict_with_iraq/default.stm
Always better coverage than CNN; as far as I can tell, this is due in part to the BBC reporters' willingness to get out of the friggin' tank once in a while and actually take a couple photos, maybe even talk to someone on the ground.
There's always Al-Jazeera in English, at
http://english.aljazeera.net/HomePage
(god, those pictures!)
Here are two sites that have not been updated in a while, but both are written by people I can vouch for, about their travels in the region:
http://www.devo.com/mideastlog/
Ben Granby, a hometwon boy from our very own Madison (note that he uses the European date notation, day-month-year, so that 05.02.04 is February 5 not May 2).
http://www.iraqjournal.org/
Blog of Jeremy Scahill, correspondant for Democracy Now! It only goes up to April 7, 2003, but has lots of great info up to then. Much of it was written from Iraq.
---------------
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
they say she talks to Angel (er, Gracie)...
Overheard, from the other room, where Loopy is knitting in bed and watching the Red Sox, who are still winning (whoooo-hoooo! yeah!!!)(ok sorry)....
"No... No! Stop it!......Go lay* down!"
"No, you can't help...."
"Stop it! no!..."
"You can't help, I'm telling you...... "
"No! Lay down! No!........doggies can't knit."
"Stop!!! it!!! .........."
"Graaaaacieeeee, you need thumbs for knitting...."
"Hey! Aaaah! Aaak! Stop iiitttt!!!! Give me the yarn! You can't have all the yarn!!!"
At this point I yelled, "Do you need help in there?"
Response: "I need he-e-e-e-e-e-elp.... Gracie took all the blue yarn and now I can't find it...."
*sigh* Certifiable indeed. ;-)
*yeah yeah, we know.
"No... No! Stop it!......Go lay* down!"
"No, you can't help...."
"Stop it! no!..."
"You can't help, I'm telling you...... "
"No! Lay down! No!........doggies can't knit."
"Stop!!! it!!! .........."
"Graaaaacieeeee, you need thumbs for knitting...."
"Hey! Aaaah! Aaak! Stop iiitttt!!!! Give me the yarn! You can't have all the yarn!!!"
At this point I yelled, "Do you need help in there?"
Response: "I need he-e-e-e-e-e-elp.... Gracie took all the blue yarn and now I can't find it...."
*sigh* Certifiable indeed. ;-)
*yeah yeah, we know.
is this a good omen?
last week I talked to one of my favorite people, Syylviaaaah, aka Swylve, from college, and she had this to say:
"My fall predictions are as follows. First, the Red Sox will be creamed in the playoffs, then Kerry will be creamed in the election, then I will be creamed in my job search."
(To which I responded something highly inappropriate along the lines of, "god, wouldn't it be awesome if the Red Sox would finally make it!!!! -- er, um, I mean, not that I don't hope that Kerry--I mean, of course, I'm sure you'll be fine, I mean, I hope your job search goes well too.") (Yeah, right, some friend I am, eh!)
Anyway, although I don't have anything good to say about Kerry (his rants about getting tough on Iran are infuriating! -- and check out his website where he promises lucrative oil contracts to any European countries that will join us in Iraq--i.e., European ruling class sends their poor soldiers to mix their entrails with ours in Iraq; European ruling class gets oil profits; Iraq gets screwed some more; etc....), I have finally given in to the pervasive hysteria and decided to actually hope he'll win. Art Spiegelman's portrayal of third-party voters as ostriches, and Michael Moore's comment, "so you'll vote third party and then you'll feel so pure, so good, for about five minutes. Didn't your parents tell you in high school--five minutes of feeling good can have lifelong consequences????" have both had an impact. But inasmuch as the election can be considered a referendum on Bush, I do want to see Bush go down, and indicate to the rest of the world that we are paying attention at least a little bit. OK, yes, if we vote Dem we are endorsing their slide to the right; we are saying that no matter how far right they go we will still vote for them; hence we are essentially assisting in the destruction of our erstwhile two-party state (which, bad as it was, is still better than the one-party state we are becoming...)... but as all my heroes also point out, elections are essentially irrelevant to the real business of organizing and changing things...... so if they're so irrelevant, it can't hurt to vote for K. Can it?
Anyway, so after being down 3-0, the Red Sox are now in the process of winning their third game vs the Yankees. (Yes, the Mets were in this position just a couple years ago, and they still choked, but it ain't over til... well you know.) So I return to my initial question: is this a good omen?
Only time will tell.
"My fall predictions are as follows. First, the Red Sox will be creamed in the playoffs, then Kerry will be creamed in the election, then I will be creamed in my job search."
(To which I responded something highly inappropriate along the lines of, "god, wouldn't it be awesome if the Red Sox would finally make it!!!! -- er, um, I mean, not that I don't hope that Kerry--I mean, of course, I'm sure you'll be fine, I mean, I hope your job search goes well too.") (Yeah, right, some friend I am, eh!)
Anyway, although I don't have anything good to say about Kerry (his rants about getting tough on Iran are infuriating! -- and check out his website where he promises lucrative oil contracts to any European countries that will join us in Iraq--i.e., European ruling class sends their poor soldiers to mix their entrails with ours in Iraq; European ruling class gets oil profits; Iraq gets screwed some more; etc....), I have finally given in to the pervasive hysteria and decided to actually hope he'll win. Art Spiegelman's portrayal of third-party voters as ostriches, and Michael Moore's comment, "so you'll vote third party and then you'll feel so pure, so good, for about five minutes. Didn't your parents tell you in high school--five minutes of feeling good can have lifelong consequences????" have both had an impact. But inasmuch as the election can be considered a referendum on Bush, I do want to see Bush go down, and indicate to the rest of the world that we are paying attention at least a little bit. OK, yes, if we vote Dem we are endorsing their slide to the right; we are saying that no matter how far right they go we will still vote for them; hence we are essentially assisting in the destruction of our erstwhile two-party state (which, bad as it was, is still better than the one-party state we are becoming...)... but as all my heroes also point out, elections are essentially irrelevant to the real business of organizing and changing things...... so if they're so irrelevant, it can't hurt to vote for K. Can it?
Anyway, so after being down 3-0, the Red Sox are now in the process of winning their third game vs the Yankees. (Yes, the Mets were in this position just a couple years ago, and they still choked, but it ain't over til... well you know.) So I return to my initial question: is this a good omen?
Only time will tell.
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